The Couch Potato

“The Couch Potato” blog appears each Wednesday on www.ncnewsonline.com.

The old Couch Potato wrote about television commercials a few weeks ago, but I couldn’t help but notice a few more that needed to be commented upon as I watched the ads that broke up my viewing of college and professional football games this weekend. 

I have to start with the KFC commercials, featuring the bearded, cool, almost hipster guy eating his $5 chicken box lunch with his dorky friend who is apparently eating a foot-long sandwich from Subway. 

In real life, if two friends sat down for lunch, one with KFC and one with Subway, no one in their right mind would even think twice about such a situation. But in this fantasy world, the hipster proceeds to completely denigrate his friend for eating a Subway sub while he arrogantly tells the camera how much better his KFC meal is compared to the sandwich. 

Hey, maybe the KFC is better than the Subway sub, but I don’t need this cocky jackass making me, his friend or anyone else feel bad about it. Shut-up, eat your meal and keep your stupid opinions to yourself. 

OK, I'm calming down. Sorry about that. 

So after being inundated with the KFC guy, it was almost a welcome relief when the Burger King commercials came on, pumping up their brand new deal. If you missed it, they are now offering 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49. 

While I understand the need for fast-food restaurants to compete with low-ball prices, this is just scary. If you can buy 10 chicken nuggets for 1 dollar and 49 cents, I’d be terrified to find out the processes by which they can sell this food and still make a profit. 

I’m no snob, but I’d prefer my chicken to cost at least $4, meaning that at least some quality control went into the process. Or at the very least, the illusion of quality control. 

Toward the end of the viewing weekend, I caught two different Lincoln car commercials featuring Matthew McConaughey driving around, waxing poetic about heaven knows what. I love McConaughey and I love philosophy, as evidenced by my gushing over his performance in “True Detective” a few weeks ago, but seriously, what is he talking about?

A sampling: “Sometimes you gotta go back … to move forward. I don’t mean going back to reminisce or chase ghosts, I mean going back to see where you came from. Where you been, how you got here, to see where your going. I know there are those who say, ‘you can’t go back.’ Yes, you can. You just have to look in the right place.”

I mean, that’s hilariously disjointed and purposefully contradictory as far as I can tell, but to be honest, it’s so ridiculous that it cracks me up every time I see it. 

I don’t even know, maybe that’s the point. 

The final commercial I saw this weekend was for the DVD release of the most recent “X-Men” movie installment. I’ve never been much interested in the comic book movies, and I have never seen an “X-Men” movie, but this commercial caught my eye simply because of the title of the movie. 

Here it is: “X-Men: Days of Future Past.” 

I thought McConaughey was blowing my mind, and then this gem came along and really knocked my socks off. I’ve thought about it for quite some time now, and I’m convinced that this title does not make any sense. It reminds me of the title of the one of the “Transformers” movies from a few years back, which was “Transformers: Dark of the Moon.” 

Whether it’s “days of future past” or “dark of the moon,” there’s no way that anyone is even giving more than seven seconds of thought as to what titles they are using for their stuff anymore. 

Well, I’m done ranting for now, but just know that I’m boycotting KFC as I drive my Lincoln over to Burger King for some chicken nuggets, while “Days of Future Past” plays on my backseat DVD player. 

(Questions, comments, ideas? Email at: thecouchpotato@outlook.com)

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