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March 1, 2013

Gary Church: I don’t need to build a better mousetrap — I just want mine back

NEW CASTLE — I always have company when I am sitting at the computer. My faithful dog Tyler is constantly by my side.

The other day, he took off suddenly, like he was chasing something.

To my amazement, he was.

I caught a glimpse of it, and proclaimed to my wife that we have a vole.

She didn't believe me. She bet me a dollar that I would never catch it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have never in my 45 years of living here, had a rodent in the house.

Before he was unwillingly forced to move to Texas so his owners could go skinny dipping in the Gulf, we depended on Tom the cat next door, to keep us free from all small animals.

Daily I would sit and watch him bring home rabbits, chipmunks, and a few antelope, and torture them in the back yard.

He was sadistic, letting them limp away, only to go catch them again.

Since we no longer have "Tom the Avenger" available to protect us, I had to go shopping for traps.

The first store I went to had traps that looked like something you would put on your sun-visor to hang notes from.

Thinking this was some new kind of technology, I bought a pair of them.

After setting them, I didn't feel that they had enough strength to cut through butter, let alone kill a vole.

My search continued for the true mousetraps, and I finally found a package with four traps in it.

I set two of them in different locations, with some peanut butter for bait.

The next day, the peanut butter at one location was gone, but no vole.

Not to be outsmarted, I used the old Doc Snow trick for catching voles.

I placed two traps facing each other. It's full-proof.

The next morning, I heard my wife in the laundry room singing, "Gary ...oh, Gary!"

The guy was DOA, and I was a dollar richer.

It wasn't a vole after all, just a mouse. I saw where he made his entry through a tear in the dryer vent hose.

When I emptied the trap outside, I left it on my patio chair. I feared that my wife would have a fit if I brought it back in the house.

Don't you know, someone stole it!

I'm asking everyone to please be on the lookout for a small mousetrap, with the MouseGuard name on it. It may have some leftover peanut butter on it.

It was only used once.

As a reward for finding it, I will share half of my dollar that my wife gave me for her losing the bet.

I'm sure I will be able to recognize it, so don't try to pull a fast one just to get the reward.

In the meantime, I'll be going out and checking all the pawn shops.


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