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December 7, 2012

Gary Church: What can Brown do for you? Ruin your Christmas, that’s what!

NEW CASTLE — I usually appreciate all my Christmas presents, no matter how useless they are.

There was one present I got as a little boy that I really, really didn't want.

Everyone knows that kids are supposed to get toys for Christmas. Everyone knew this except my older sister Lealia.

I must confess that as a child, sometimes I would venture into everyone’s closets to see what they got me for Christmas.

On one of these occasions, I spotted a box that hadn't been wrapped yet.

I peeked inside, and there they were.

My sister had gotten me a pair of brown pants.

Who would give a sweet little boy like me a pair of brown pants for Christmas?

I wanted toys. Lots and lots of toys.

Brother Bill got me a wagon and Dad bought me a scooter. Those were more in line with what I wanted.

Brown pants were not in that line.

When I opened the gift, I may have not said the kindest of remarks toward my sister.

From that day forward, I never got brown pants again for Christmas.

Sixty five years later and I still don't own a pair of brown pants.

There goes my chance to work for UPS.

Just to prove kids haven't changed much, I made a shopping list of what I might get my daughter and grandson.

Just to agitate him, the only thing I wrote down on my grandson's list was socks.

I noticed after he had gone home, the word socks was mysteriously scratched out. I have no idea who would have done such a thing.

Perhaps a few alternate dates to give kids clothes would be Jan. 19 or June 27.

Take it from someone who has been scarred for life.

Brown pants for Christmas is a definite no-no.

If you don't believe me, wrap up a pair.

See how quickly he shoves them aside so he can unwrap the next gift.

As long as it isn’t socks.


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