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December 29, 2012

Josh Drespling: Cold hard cash always trumps socks and toothbrushes as a gift

NEW CASTLE — I have a learned a lesson over the past year or so that I have been writing these blogs for the News.  It's a lesson one would think to be blatantly obvious, but I guess it is something I have overlooked. It turns out, people actually read what I write. Very rarely do I make it through more than a few days without somebody approaching me and opening the conversation with comments about one of my blogs.

I welcome their thoughts and am glad to hear their take on my silly, reflective, and sentimental stories.

I try hard to make these stories entertaining, compassionate, and even a little bit introspective. Perhaps in my efforts to build stories that connect, I have left myself open. Open to jokes and a fair amount of poking fun. Moreover, it has devastated my gift receiving over the past year. One mention of my love for an item or my lack of something has triggered an onslaught of gag gifts from friends and relatives.

As I have mentioned before, I was inundated with socks for my birthday. I received over 80 pairs of socks at my surprise birthday party in July. My few simple words changed the course of my 40th birthday party and made for an interesting tale.


Much like the great mountain of socks I received, I was awash with toothbrushes this Christmas. I received them from my mom, my aunt, my cousin’s wife, even the neighbors and the mailman got in on the fun. Every real gift I received was accompanied by some sort of toothbrush.

See, several months ago in a quirky Facebook post, I mentioned how I caught our cat licking my toothbrush. I went on to document my peril and my mental distress in wondering just how many times she had committed this dastardly act unbeknownst to me. How many times had I shared my toothbrush with our feline housemate? It could have been months upon months of shared hygiene products, but I had no way of knowing.

Upon realizing what was going on, I immediately discarded the violated brush in the trash. I really wanted to brush my teeth and rid my mind of the nasty thought, but I did not have a spare toothbrush and had to wait to pick up a new one at Walmart that evening.

Once again my words came back to haunt me as I was flooded with toothbrushes on Christmas morning. It was a funny sentiment and we all had some good laughs about the whole situation.

Knowing the personalities of my friends and family, I'm going to attempt to remedy my gift situation by offering you a very self-centered, contrived, and calculated expression.

I love cash gifts. It is always the perfect size and acceptable at nearly any occasion. It can be easily tucked into an envelope or slipped into my hand. It comes in many different denominations to accommodate any budget. It's a convenient gift that you can acquire at one of the hundreds of ATMs or bank branches around town. In fact, most retail establishments will give you cash back if you make a purchase with your bank card.

If you feel so compelled, you could even wrap it around a toothbrush or stuff it into a pair of socks. It is a gift that warms the soul and comforts the recipient. There is never the problem of too much cash and it can be easily exchanged for a plethora of other items. Storage of the gift is never a problem, and there is never a fear of it spoiling or going bad.

Obviously, I jest, but if by some odd twist of fate, I do receive some cash gifts, I will be sure to wisely spend them on more socks and toothbrushes.

 

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