New Castle News

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June 7, 2013

Gary Church: Fast-acting chocolate angel food cake? Now THAT’S a new wrinkle!

NEW CASTLE — I've been having a little trouble understanding what some vocabulary words mean lately.

While I'm ironing my shirts, I have a problem with the words written on the collar, "NO IRON."

I follow the rules religiously on washing my dress shirts, but I still find myself having to iron them.

They usually add that you can touch them up with an iron.

Ironing is ironing, whether it's touching them up, or pressing the whole shirt.

If it says "NO IRONING," that should mean that when I put them on, they look like I ironed them.

This has not happened yet.

The next set of words I must have misinterpreted: "Fast Acting."

At my age, sometimes things pop up on my skin, out of nowhere.

I have become the proud owner of a wart.

Being a normal guy, I bought a leading wart remover that says right on the box, "Fast Acting Gel."

After reading the directions, it also said, "Do not use on face."

My wart is on my neck, an eighth of an inch from my face.

Does the warning stop at the chin line, and why can't I use it on my face?

But what gets me is the fine print. It says, "May take up to 12 weeks to remove wart."

Fast acting to me is to put the stuff on at night, get up the next day and the wart is gone.

Twelve weeks is not fast acting. That's a whole summer's vacation.

Then there is the angel food cake episode that happened at Andy Mast's greenhouse and bakery.

Since last Friday was opening day at the bakery, my wife wanted to go get something sweet.

She was looking at an angel food cake that Lizzie had made.

Lizzie said the cake beside the white angel food cake was a chocolate angel food cake.

My wife said, "Angel food cake doesn't come in chocolate."

I said, "It does now," so she bought it.

I think for the first time in her life, my wife was right.

The cake did not seem like an angel food cake when I ate it. It was good, but not angel food.

My wife informed me that an angel food cake is white, while devil’s food cake is chocolate.

I ask you bakers out there, is there such a thing as chocolate angel food cake?

Perhaps it's like the "fast acting," "no ironing" thing, just words on a box.

 

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