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November 6, 2013

The Couch Potato: The ‘best’ of the worst shows on television

NEW CASTLE — The old saying goes that “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”

I’ve found that to be true many times in my life. 

In the most literal sense, I’ve had my garbage “stolen” off the curb by someone other than the garbage man. In an even more bizarre scenario that occurred in the Couch Potato household last night, my friend was visiting and was flabbergasted that Mrs. Couch Potato had thrown away some cheese from a piece of pizza.

As Mrs. Couch Potato and his wife protested, he proceeded to retrieve the cheese from the garbage and eat it. Now that is a good example of trash versus treasure.

But my point does not lie in the eating of garbage cheese, but on the fact that there are some awful television shows out there that continue to march on season after season. The thought of these shows being on the air causes me to seriously question the direction of our country, as well as the judgment of the American people.

In no particular order, here is the Couch Potato’s list of television’s worst shows (I’ll apologize in advance if you’re a loyal viewer):

•“The Big Bang Theory” might be the worst television show ever created. Chuck Lorre, the mastermind behind such hits as “Two and a Half Men,” “Dharma and Greg” and “Mike and Molly,” should be forced out of show business for this train wreck. Believe me, I know I’m in the minority here as the show chugs along in Season 7, but my goodness. The show practically writes itself as anyone with half of a brain can literally predict the exact jokes as the actors are saying them. This show is annoying, contrived and predictable, and to top it off, it’s not funny.

•“Dancing With the Stars” plays to a primarily female audience, but even the women need to wise up to this one. While host Tom Bergeron makes things bearable with his wit and charm, the over-the-top judges cancel out anything he brings to the table. The problem for the Couch Potato is this — if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. All of the celebrities are desperate, attention-seeking has-beens, and the dances are just the same recycled messes each time. 

•“The Voice” ripped off “American Idol” and somehow made the formulaic music competition even worse. Personality-less Carson Daly hosts this hot mess, as judges CeeLo Green, Christina Aguilera, Adam Levine and Blake Shelton use their schtick to “coach up” the competitors. I’m not sure that this makes sense, but Blake Shelton might be a robot. He does not seem human to me in any way, as if he is trying to act like a normal person, but isn’t. In any event, this show is pointless and annoying, as I have yet to ever hear of a contestant launching any type of real career.

•“The Simpsons” makes the Couch Potato list begrudgingly, yet appropriately. Once it was one of the best parodies of modern culture ever created. Today, it is nothing more than a shell of its former satirical genius, parodying nothing more than itself. The greed that has forced the show to continue has inevitably led to its ruin. 

While that is certainly not a complete list, it does represent the worst of the worst. If you watch one of these shows, please reconsider.

(Please email questions, comments or thoughts to: thecouchpotato@outlook.com)

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