NEW CASTLE —
My alarm clock and I have a special relationship. I hate it, and it knows it. There is a bit of dependence, but still I loathe its very existence. I smack it around and neglect it on a regular basis.
If it were a woman or child I would be immediately charged with battery.
In my defense, this device is an enabler. It so willingly offers that tempting snooze button, as if it is asking for me to deviate from my noble intentions. If it doesn’t want me to notice its “features” then it should not flaunt them like that. Putting those “features” only inches from my face as I cradle my soft pillow while teetering on the edge of consciousness, is pure torture and borderline obscene.
If this pile of plastic and circuits had any respect for me, it would not dare tempt me so. If it cared in the least about my well-being, it would not interrupt my peaceful slumber. It would not destroy my moments of unconscious bliss with its red glowing face. Nor would it challenge my dominance or hold such contempt for my supremacy.
I know it lies in silence, waiting for the opportune moment to unload its full frontal attack on my peace of mind. It waits patiently to exact its revenge in our ongoing battle of wits and brawn. This battle that we have waged for countless years has seen both me and my inanimate foe as the victor.
My alarm predictably deploys a cowardly sneak attack under the cover of darkness. This formidable attack is often launched in the wee hours of the morn, just as the sun begins to crack the cold, dark sky.
The screeching and ungodly howling of my alarm's battle cry resonates throughout the house, across the valley, and through the neighboring forest, jarring the dead from their graves and sending every last woodland creature scurrying to safety.
In spite of my enemy's best effort, the bellowing it produces is soon extinguished with the use of one of its alluring features. Though the snooze button could have only been spawned from the depths of Hades, it has become my constant and trustworthy friend. This simple, yet useful button has bought me another nine minutes of treasured sleep. But the more this ally is called upon, the more of an enemy it becomes. It quickly switches its allegiance from the side of good to that of the atrocious alarm clock.
Soon its blood-curdling cry will ring out again, signaling the onset of yet another battle between me and this deplorable object.
Eventually, I will fall victim to my anger and smother this being with my pillow, ending its reign of terror. Perhaps I can douse it with water and destroy its inner workings. Maybe I can cut off its power supply, thus permanently ending its miserable existence. Until then, I shall wage a valiant war against this great evil that has beseeched my bedroom and every other bedroom in America.
Until this conflict has reached its end, I will fight and continue to be 10 minutes late for work each day and every day.
News Bloggers
Related Photos
-
About Josh Drespling: Josh is a former graphic designer at The News. His blog appears each Saturday.
Discussion
Josh Drespling: By the time I win my daily battle with alarm clock, it’s too late — and so am I
- News Bloggers
-
-
Tim Kolodziej: Five lessons from the ‘gas pump karaoke’ couple (with video)
Consider this a warning. Your cheeks are going to ache from smiling so much. You’re going to be humming these songs until you go to bed tonight. You might even bust a dance move in your office. But that’s OK. Watch the accompanying video anyway.
-
Gary Church: Dang! I missed out on meeting Pat Toomey — whoever that is
Sometimes I say "Yes" to something before I think about it. I received a call from The News office, wanting me to take photos of Pat Toomey's visit to the county courthouse. Very eager to do so, I said, "Yes!"
-
Mitchel Olszak: Snooping threat to the free press
In “All the President’s Men,” reporter Bob Woodward conducts late-night meetings with a source in a parking garage. That source, Deep Throat (later revealed to be high-ranking FBI official Mark Felt), was worried that he would be exposed as a tipster in the Watergate scandal.
-
Josh Drespling: Sick and tired of being sick and tired
I'm sick of being sick! It has been over a week now fighting this ungodly pestilence that has settled in my body. Despite my best efforts, this plague has taken a firm hold of every avenue of my being. It has become the most constant and present force in my life.
-
Gary Church: A REAL buffet for Father’s Day? Now that’s saying a mouthful!
My favorite thing about Mother’s Day is the buffet. I can do some real damage with a nice spread of food laid out before me. A good, homemade buffet can't be beat.
-
Tim Kolodziej: Want true gratification? Then delay it
Whether you are an athlete, an entrepreneur or a stay-at-home mom, you will be faced with dozens of temptations today. For better or for worse, your life depends on your choices.
-
Gary Church: A little trimmer is just the right fit for someone my age
There are definite signs in my life that show I'm really starting to age. I can't believe that I just bought a battery powered trimmer/edger. The gas trimmer I have now is 25 years old and very powerful.
-
Lisa Madras: I’ve still got plenty of questions, but now I have family to help answer them
What’s something new you’ve recently learned about yourself? Oh, happy day. I've been waiting my whole life to have a great answer to this question, and now that I finally do. I can hardly believe it myself.
-
Josh Drespling: Thank you, Mom. I’ve never said this before but ...
I'm a terrible son. I’ll can freely admit my shortcomings. Well, maybe not as awful as some. I've never been in prison or killed anyone (though I may have thought about it). I’ve never been a drug addict or a drunk. I remember most of the holidays, birthdays and celebrations and I'm capable of supporting myself and my family.
-
Gary Church: Gary the Governor? It’s starting to grow on me
Every day, while walking home from West Side School, I would pass the fire station on Smithfield Street. Twice a year, the fire station turned into the election place, where my parents voted.
- More News Bloggers Headlines
-
