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October 16, 2012

Gary Church: I’m dangerously close to moving from the doghouse into ‘The Home’

NEW CASTLE — I feel I have the ability to forget stuff. Maybe a little more than most people.

For this reason, I like to put myself on a daily routine so I don't leave something very important out.

After a morning shave and shower, I have breakfast.

Then comes lunch at noon and dinner at five. You can see I especially don't like to forget meals.

Just before dinner at 5, I clean the dog dish, take it over to the counter, and fill it with a large handful of Beneful dry dog food, and a packet of Ol' Roy moist dog food.

The dog usually watches me do this, just in case I make a mistake.

At 9:30 p.m., during a TV commercial, I make the coffee for the following morning.

It only takes one teeny tiny thing to happen, which will completely throw me off. This happened the other night.

At 9:30 I went to the kitchen to make the coffee, and I noticed a piece of bacon in the dog dish.

I like bacon. There is never any leftover bacon. I yelled, "Who put a piece of bacon in the dog dish?"

This was a dumb question because there are only two people in the house, and I didn't do it.

My wife yelled back, "That's a leaf, stupid!"

I mellowed out and said, "Oh."

I cleaned the dog dish and went over to the counter to make the coffee.

As usual, I pulled out the tray that holds the coffee filter. This time, instead of putting the new filter in, I filled it with a large handful of Beneful dry dog food.

Of course, I noticed right away what I had done and moaned, "Oh no!"

Miss Neb Nose in the living room shouted right away, "What's wrong?"

I humbly showed her the filter tray full of dog food.

For some reason, this caused her to make a quick exit for the bathroom.

When she came back, I simply asked, "Do you think it's time to call 'The Home?’ "

That made her take another Olympic sprint to you know where.

In my defense, the coffee filters and the dog food are close to one another. This could have been a very easy mistake.

Just in case, if it ever happens again, we put The Home's phone number on speed dial.

I sure hope I have access to a computer there, so I can report on all the big happenings at bingo.

 

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