New Castle News

October 19, 2012

Gary Church: Even drips and spills can’t stain memory of my breakfast shirt

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — It's a sad day in the Church household.

It's time for me to say goodbye to an old friend — my breakfast shirt.

Perhaps some of you may be wondering, "What is a breakfast shirt?"

For me to explain it, I must go way back in time to the last century when I worked for Weingartner’s.

The bosses thought the greenhouse crew should wear matching shirts, so they purchased them for us.

I would put mine on in the morning and wear it to the breakfast table.

I have suspected, but have never been able to prove, that my wife sabotaged my spoon and coffee cup so that they would drip on my shirts, leaving a spot.

To overcome having stains on every work shirt I owned, I chose to wear an old, worn-out shirt to have breakfast in.

After retirement, I still continued wearing a breakfast shirt. I just didn't change after breakfast.

This seems to cause some dismay with my wife.

When my new neighbor moved in, she told me I would probably find her at the pool every day.

I told her she would find me daily on the back patio, wearing the same shirt that I had on.

I remained true to my word.

There are some qualifications to be chosen as a breakfast shirt.

It must be loose fitting, ugly, lots of flowers on it to hide the stains, and on sale.

The one I have now has a very sexy slit up the side, revealing my shapely figure.

There have been a few complaints about how much longer I was going to wear it.

Someone, who shall go unnamed, bought me a replacement shirt for my birthday, but it just doesn't fit the breakfast shirt criteria.

I've never worn it.

Breakfast shirt season runs from May to October, when the undershirt season kicks in.

For this reason, I'm going shopping to see if a can find another shirt on sale for $5 to replace my old friend of the last two years.

I'm thinking how nice my old shirt would look in the Smithsonian, but that's pretty far to visit.

Maybe the Lawrence County Historical Society would be a closer location.

(Would you like to meet Gary Church? Drop by The News business office on Tuesday, Oct. 23, between 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. Gary will be selling copies of our special Pink-Out Edition. For every single copy paper we sell that day, we’ll donate half the proceeds to the local chapter of the American Cancer Society. If you buy at least 20 papers, you’ll receive a special gift from us. For more details, CLICK HERE.)