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February 26, 2013

Gary Church: Hmm, how do I get my wife to cook? Eureka ... it’s paprika!

NEW CASTLE — There are some things I just don't understand about women.

One big one is, why do they have to have so many cookbooks?

My wife has several shelves filled with cookbooks, plus 200,000 notes with recipes on them.

She never uses any of them.

Those shelves might as well be filled with books on nuclear physics.

Each night I get asked the same question, "What do you want for dinner?"

I would think that there would be something in one of those books that she could whip up.

What I need to do is start reading the cookbooks, and put a checkmark by the things I like.

I'm sure she would have a reason why she couldn't make it.

Her usual reply is that she doesn't have an ingredient or it takes three weeks to prepare it.

I've learned the trick to answering the dinner question is to find out what she wants to cook.

I could name 436 different things I would eat, but if she doesn't want them, it doesn't do any good.

Then there is the cooking channel.

Every second that I am not in the house, she is watching the cooking channel.

Never once has she made one recipe that she learned from watching all those cooks.

If I watched the gardening channel all day, I'm sure I would find something to plant that they talked about.

My wife says I'm hard to cook for because I don't eat casseroles and female food.

I'm a man of simple tastes.

I like southern fried chicken like my mother used to make, with mashed potatoes and milk gravy.

She never makes it.

I enjoy ham, meatballs, roast beef, steak and beef tips over noodles, plus any French prepared delicacy.

My only request is that you burn everything.

When you see us eating out, now you'll know the reason why.

She didn't have any paprika.

 

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