New Castle News

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July 30, 2013

Gary Church: Gasp! You’re gonna let a student stick me?

NEW CASTLE — When you get to be my age, blood tests are a regular occurrence.

Since I am on a Medicare supplement, I have to go wherever they tell me.

Three months ago, I went to a different lab than I was accustomed to going.

After a long wait, the lady came in and drew my blood.

She told me she has to use the needle on herself five times a day, so she was pretty good at it.

I never felt a thing.

Well, I had to go back last week, to the same place.

I was happy to see her in the office, and I had confidence she would do a fantastic job on me.

While sitting in the room where they sent me, a male and female came in — not including the lady I was familiar with.

There are no greater words that I enjoy hearing than, "Hi, Gary. I'm a student and I will be taking your blood today."

I froze!

To put the fear in him, I said, "Anything you do, may end up being published."

The female asked, "Are you the town crier?"

I replied, "Yep."

She started talking about hot dogs, I think, just to get me distracted.

She insisted I try Jib Jab in Girard, before I judge who is best.

Her plan worked, because I did not feel the needle go in.

She congratulated the student on the great job he did.

I then heard the student gasp.

I thought, "This is not good."

The female told him very calmly what to do, and he proceeded to do it.

After he got the needle out, as usual, they put a bandage on my arm.

I left the building, thankful I still had two arms.

When I got to my car and looked down, I thought my arm had become a candy cane.

The bandage, although large, wasn't large enough.

I guess that is what the gasp was about.

This has never happened to me before.

I couldn't wait to get home to show my wife, and maybe fake a fainting spell, so I could get a little sympathy.

When I walked in, she just looked up from the paper and said, "Your arm's bleeding," and went back to reading the funnies.

Maybe I should have come in on crutches.

It will be three more months before I have to go back.

In the meantime, I'll be checking my insurance to see if I have loss of limbs benefits.

I think I may need them.


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