New Castle News

July 23, 2013

Gary Church: Safety first? C’mon baby light my fire!

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — I try not to ask for much on my birthday. All I wanted was a lighter that doesn't have any safety devices on it.

Thankfully, my daughter found such a lighter.

Pushing up on a switch while trying to pull the trigger is just too complicated for me.

I know, if you have small children around the house, those safety caps and switches come in handy.

There are no small children in my house. Just a couple of old fogies who have trouble with safety devices.

I don't want to push down before turning while I'm trying to get into my pill bottles.

Even my weed eater has a button to push in before I can engage the handle.

Why can't I just press the handle like I did in the good old days?

I can be heard several times a day yelling, "I hate safety!"

OK, there is one safety device that I actually use.

On my riding mower, there is an extension on the mower deck, so you don't put your foot under the mower.

I removed this on my old mower. Who in their right mind would put their foot under the mower anyway?

One day while checking something, I accidentally placed my foot under the mower while the blades were fully rotating.

As I quickly removed it, I was scared to death to take off my shoes and socks to see how many pinkies I had left.

I was never so glad to count 10 toes in my life. There was some bruising, but no amputations.

Yes, I put the safety extension back on the mower deck.

I suppose if while my new lighter is in my pocket and I accidentally set my pants on fire, I might go back to the safety lighters.

Until then, it's one click and light.

And please, get that picture out of your head of me running around and screaming, while my pants are in flames.

(Gary Church’s blog appears each Tuesday and Friday on