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January 4, 2013

Gary Church: I have a wasn't the dog


They say the first step in conquering an addiction, is admitting you have a problem.

Hi. My name is Gary Church, and I chew on pens.

There, I admitted it.

This has gone on for years and years.

Back in time when I was gainfully employed, no one would touch my pens because they knew where they had been.

It was this Christmas that I realized I had to beat this habit.

My grandson Austin got me a pen and pencil set from Santa's Lane at school.

He said he chose that gift for me because all my other pens were chewed up.

I never knew he had noticed that.

I have had some success overcoming another addiction in the past few years.

The one that I beat was chewing on remote controls.

When people have an addiction, sometimes they tell untruths to cover it up.

I was guilty of this.

When I had to return my remote control to Comcast, it was in very bad shape. You had complete view of the inside components.

I told them my dog chewed it up.

I'm so ashamed.

What helped me to stop chewing remotes was, the new ones are bigger and don't fit in my mouth very well, plus they aren't as tasty.

Another help is, my wife hogs the remote.

My dentist, Dr. Jim Snow told me one time that he has trouble sleeping at night, worrying about what teeth I'm going to break chewing on remotes.

Since I conquered the remote issue, this year I'm working on pen chewing.

So far, I have been a complete failure at this. It's just so convenient to hold the pen in my mouth, while working the crossword puzzle.

I've checked around, and there are no local halfway houses for people with my problem.

I'll just keep trying to get better.

During this recovering period, whatever you do, don't lend me your pen. You won't recognize it when I hand it back to you.

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