NEW CASTLE —
Charlie Rich had a hit tune called, "Behind Closed Doors." One line in the song says, "Oh, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors."
I found this line to be very true last week.
As is my morning tradition, I went into the bathroom, wet my face, covered it with shaving gel, and then tried to pick up my razor.
It wasn't there.
I went into a panic. I thought for sure we were robbed and the thieves made off with my Shick Quatro.
My comb was there, my shaving gel was there, my toothbrush was there, but no razor.
It started to occur to me, no one else had been in the bathroom but my other half.
When I looked around, I spotted it. It was on the shower surround.
I don't shave in the shower.
Could it be that the woman I trust most, behind closed doors, used my personal razor to shave something?
After 10 minutes of the water torture thingy they do on terrorists, she confessed.
I went on a rampage on how I change razor blades on the first of every month. I have it figured that I get 31 shaves out of one blade.
My wife messed up my whole razor blade schedule.
All she said was, "I'll buy you new blades."
What I really need is a bank vault for my bathroom stuff.
Charlie Rich was right. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
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About Gary Church: Gary is a columnist and contributing writer for The News. He’ll share his thoughts on this blog each Tuesday and Friday.
Discussion
Gary Church: Wife’s bathroom blade betrayal cuts deep
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Lisa Madras: How much do you know about Memorial Day’s rich tradition?
It's Memorial Day today, so, with my blog running on Mondays, I sort of get the short end of the stick on these holidays. It's cool though. I'm more than happy to take a little hiatus from complaining about my problems to pay homage to the men and women who gave their lives to protect our freedoms, including the right that I have to get on here each week and express my views.
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Josh Drespling: Feeling entitled? It’s time to ‘man up’
Why is it that we all feel entitled? Every turn of the proverbial corner I encounter another segment of our egotistical population that feel they are deserving of specialized treatment.
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Gary Church: Stop by and visit my gravesite — I’ll catch up with you later
When I worked at the greenhouse, I would go out of my way to please a customer. Sometimes, they would show their appreciation by bringing in a dozen donuts or a pie or two. One gift I received really caught me off guard.
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Tim Kolodziej: Create a new habit and you’ll acquire a skill
The bad news: Research shows good habits take about three weeks to develop. The good news: Once you develop a good habit, they are as hard to break as bad habits. The key is, you’ve got to start. Somewhere.
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Courtney Caughey: To busy for a full meal? Try some grab-and-go foods
We've all been there. Life gets in the way of taking the time to stop and eat. I know I get cranky when I haven't eaten and, if I go too long without nourishment, I can't concentrate. But, what if we really can't take the time to enjoy a full meal?
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Gary Church: Where’s the clutch? And in a related matter, what’s a blog?
When starting a new job, it is customary to go through a training period. Unfortunately, when I started my first job at Welker’s Greenhouse, they did not practice this custom.
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Lisa Madras: Believe it or not, there are reasons to smile today
What makes you smile? Some days, you just wake up with a smile on your face. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, Prince (or Princess) Charming has ventured out of your warm, snuggly nest early to put on some coffee and cook you buttery, heart-shaped pancakes, delivered to your bed with a loving gaze and a single, long-stemmed red rose in a crystal vase.
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Josh Drespling: Good diet/bad diet?
I've been trying diligently to eat right and make healthier choices in what I eat and put into my body. I'm now the guy at the grocery store who reads every label. You know, the guy with his buggy in the way while you’re trying to get in and get out.
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Gary Church: I know what you’re thinking, but I didn’t become a great guy overnight — really.
Learning to adapt has played a big role in my 37 years of successful marriage. At night, when my wife takes all of the covers and leaves me with only enough to cover half of my body, I adapt. I keep one half of my body warm for a while, then I roll over and get the other half warm.
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Tim Kolodziej: Struggling? Remember, even ‘regular china’ can sparkle
Ever wish you were bigger, faster, smarter, prettier ... go ahead, pick an “er.” Any “er.” Chances are, the guy sitting next to you at school or the girl in your office feels the same way. That’s because all of us, in a sense, are “regular china.”
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