New Castle News

April 18, 2014

Gary Church: Looks like happy trails for this old Bunny to hop

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — I've just learned that my 35-year career has suddenly come to an end.

It was a little hard on me, hearing that my services were no longer needed.

I thought being the Easter Bunny and hiding eggs was a life-long occupation.

My employment started when my daughter was born in 1978, and continued until she got married.

I had a brief hiatus, until my grandson was born.

Then I picked up right where I left off, hiding the eggs in the living room.

Now they tell me my grandson Austin will be out of town on Easter, and we are not coloring eggs.

This leaves me jobless.

I figured I had a good 20 years left in me, until Austin would get married. He could then bring my great-grandchildren over to hunt for eggs.

Every year I hide them in the same place, but I still have to give out hot and cold clues.

Is there some kind of retirement home for Easter Bunnies who are no longer needed.

Mrs. Easter Bunny still seems to have kept her job.

Austin will be getting an Easter basket — but there won’t be colored eggs in it.

That's just wrong.

How I know he's getting a basket is, my wife asked me to take her to Dollar General and Jameson.

When I started down Wilmington Road toward the hospital she shouted, "Where, exactly, are you going?"

I said, "Jameson Hospital!" For all I knew, it was time for her mammogram, and she needed a ride to the hospital. I just do as I'm told.

After she got done telling me what she thought of my intelligence, she said, "Jameson’s Candy!"

How did I know which Jameson she meant? After all, Jameson and Jameson's sound a lot alike.

I told her from now on, I want the exact address of wherever she needs hauled to.

She got the candy for the basket, so Austin will be happy, plus she got my daughter some candy.

I feel I have a discrimination suit I should be able to file on this.

Perhaps this year I'll color my own eggs and hide them.

With my memory, I'll probably need the hot and cold clues to find them.

Happy Easter!