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August 30, 2013

Gary Church: I’m not hard of hearing — you just need to mumble louder

NEW CASTLE — There have been some nasty rumors circulating around the house that I have some hearing loss.

In turn, I offer them the phone number of a good speech therapist when I have to say, "What?"

There doesn't seem to be a problem with me hearing the police scanner.

Of course, there may be a small chance that my right ear may not be up to par in the hearing department.

This is OK with me.

When I'm driving, and my wife is blabbing on about something, I don't hear a word she says.

My grandson really gets a kick out of me mishearing stuff.

We were having breakfast last week after he had stayed overnight.

He asked, "Grandpa, what kind of ketchup am I eating?"

Easy question. I replied, "Heinz ketchup."

After giggling for a few moments, he said, "No one said anything about ketchup. What kind of Chex am I eating?"

I didn't know we had any Chex cereal in the house. We only have that at Christmastime to make Chex mix, and that's only in years when Christmas falls on a Tuesday.

I named the three types of Chex mix, but I was wrong on all three guesses.

He said they were Vanilla Chex.

I had never heard of them.

Although I may have messed up on the cereal test, I don't feel I'm ready for the hearing aid thing yet.

I never miss getting called for dinner.

I can still hear my wife proudly reciting her favorite phrase, "You have the brains of an antelope!"

But when she says that, she speaks with distinction, not like the rest of the time, when she sounds like her mouth is full of chewing tobacco.

Most of the other time she is talking, she doesn't want me to hear what she is saying anyhow.

I'll be fine, if I can get everyone to stand on the left side of me.

But if worse comes to worst, I do have a little knowledge of sign language.

I can sign the word, B-O-S-S, which is a big hit with my deaf friends at First Baptist.

Being my wife is half Italian, I have learned a few other signs, just in case I can't catch you.


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