New Castle News

April 20, 2013

Josh Drespling: Appointment! What appointment?

Josh Drespling
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — Dear Mr. Optometrist:

Thank you for the polite reminder about my upcoming appointment. The postcard you sent in the mail was quite helpful.

There is only one monstrous problem with this entire scenario. I did not schedule an appointment with you. Nor did I have one scheduled for the last three times you sent me a postcard “reminding” me of different appointments.

Yes, I was in your establishment about a year ago and all was good. However, since that day you have attempted to trick me into additional appointments with you. Maybe you really like my company or you just miss me. I know my fellowship can be awe-inspiring, but if you wanna talk, feel free to call me. I'm always game for some hang time with a doctor and businessman.

Much to my chagrin you have chosen to robo-call me and send me junk mail. Your efforts to “remind” me of my alleged appointments have now become a running joke. Each time I see a correspondence from your office among the rest of my legitimate mail, it brings a smirk to my face. I imagine you or somebody from your office haphazardly tossing darts at a calendar while another blindfolded employee spins in circles and chooses a name out of a hat. This tomfoolery is, of course, accompanied by fun and bouncey clown music.

Appointment is defined as “an arrangement to do something or meet someone at a particular time and place.” Nonetheless, my ocular friend, we never made an arrangement to meet or do anything. Possibly it is acceptable to you to select completely random dates and times and arrange appointments, but to the rest of us this form of trickery is downright sleazy.

I wonder how many unsuspecting clients you have duped into unnecessary and unwarranted services. I myself almost fell for the first “reminder” you sent. If it hadn’t been for the fact that my imaginary appointment was made on a date and time that I am always at work.

With that in mind, I guess it is time for me to schedule my yearly checkup. I will undoubtedly be using your competitor, despite the fact that he is longer drive from my home.

The extra few minutes of driving will be my “reminder” of all the bogus appointments I had with you.