New Castle News

April 16, 2013

Gary Church: Mocking my underwear? Hey, that’s below the belt!

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — It's a little rough on a guy when his family members are all fashion consultants.

My wife and daughter both questioned me: "When did your underwear start showing above your belt?"

I thought that was in vogue nowadays.

I'm not a real "Beau Brummel" type of guy, but I do think that underwear showing above the waist is a little tacky.

Of course, my Jockeys showing is not really my fault.

I asked very kindly for a wide belt from Santa Claus this year, but he did not come through for me.

I heard from a very reliable source that he could not find my size, plus the ones he did find had a hefty price tag.

My very cheap Santa does not believe in spending more than $19.95 for a belt.

Since my current belt is old, it does not hold my pants up as well as it use to.

This causes them to slip down a little, revealing what's underneath.

When I have a shirt on, it covers my unmentionables entirely.

I just watched a video of a woman talking about belts, and she gave some helpful hints on what kind to buy.

She said shiny belts are made of cheap leather, and will not last.

I am the proud owner of two nice and shiny belts. No wonder my pants fall down.

She then suggested I buy a belt that costs $85.

That's not going to happen.

My whole wardrobe doesn't come to $85!

It's that time of year when people with causes sit in front of Wal-Mart, asking for donations.

I feel that getting me a new belt is a worthy cause.

If I can get 85 people to drop a buck in my jar, I could get a nice dull leather belt with a bronze or silver buckle.

The alternative, let's say, is just unmentionable.