New Castle News

News Bloggers

March 24, 2014

Lisa Madras: Thanks for the wisdom, Dr. Phil — I think

NEW CASTLE — How important are you ... to you?

"Don't worry about hurting my feelings because I guarantee you not one bit of my self-esteem is tied up in your acceptance."

I saw this quote on the Internet this morning. It was attributed to Dr. Phil, although I couldn't find any substantial proof to verify that fact. If you've ever watched his show, though, you can just HEAR him saying it.

Even though I don't watch his show regularly, I do try to catch an episode every now and again, because I think this guy's gold. I don't even care how corny some of his stuff might sound. As far as common sense goes, if you ever need a dose of it, the good doctor's got it.

But I digress. So anyhow, I saw this quote, and I thought to myself, "Do I feel like that? And if not, why not?" I like to think that, for the most part, I have a fairly healthy self-esteem. OK, OK, some days are healthier than others, but you get my point. I may not base my self-esteem on the best factors in the world, but I certainly don't base it on the opinions of others.

Or do I?

Reading that quote got me to thinking about how often I would start out a day on the right foot, and before I knew it — BLAMO! Someone would come along and smack the smile right off my face with an off-hand comment. And the direction the day had started in got completely turned around.

Smart as I like to think I am, I spent several years in a relationship with a person who made me feel like that every couple of days. It was like riding a roller coaster that would thrill you for five minutes and have you reaching for a barf bag in the next five. And then again. And again ... and again.  I stayed for years because I thought that if I became a better girlfriend, it would get better. If I handled my kids differently, it would get better. If I did X, Y, and Z, it would get better. If I became everything he wanted me to be, it would get better.

The problem was, nothing I did was ever good enough. And then, unbelievably, I woke up one day and realized that it never would be. And that as long as I was basing my self-worth on someone else's opinion, I would be spending the rest of my life breaking my back for an unattainable goal. I realized that I already had someone who would appreciate the effort I went to to make life amazing, and that someone was me.  

I fail myself sometimes, sure. And I'm my harshest critic. But I'm the one that matters at the end of the day. Just like you're the one who matters at the end of your day. Other people may come along and derail your good intentions, but keep in mind that they're just passers-by in your world.  Some of them you might have to keep around. Just remember to give their presence all the more consideration it deserves. And by that I mean realize that what others say and do has EVERYTHING to do with them, and pretty much NOTHING to do with you.

As for the ones you don't have to keep around? Show 'em the door.

I still struggle with following my own advice on that one, but I'm trying, and it does get better every single day. It helps to have a mantra of sorts, something that you can say to yourself when your emotions are all bent out of shape over someone else. Hey, I know a good one: "Don't worry about hurting my feelings because I guarantee you not one bit of my self-esteem is tied up in your acceptance."

I'm still not sure who said it, but I sure know who will be.


Text Only | Photo Reprints
News Bloggers
  • Church.jpg Gary Church: I tried to keep my cool, but if anyone didn't like my contribution to the party, I might have a meltdown
    Sometimes you get invited to an employee only luncheon. I recently went to one of these at the News office. There is only one rule, everyone must bring something. This is a little difficult for me, because I don't know how to cook anything.

    August 1, 2014 1 Photo

  • Question-mark-scratch-head.jpg Tim Kolodziej: We’re swimming in information — and uncertainty

    “Who can you believe anymore?” I wish I had a nickel for every time someone has asked me that question. Let’s face it, there are no longer two sides to every story. In some cases, there are hundreds, if not thousands.

    July 31, 2014 2 Photos

  • Potato.jpg The Couch Potato: "The Bachelorette" semi-live blog

    Here we go folks: “The Bachelorette” finale is under way and of course we’re being inundated with sweeping helicopter shots of beaches and exotic locations while Chris Harrison is telling us how dramatic this upcoming episode will be. Classic opening for “The Bachelorette,” as always.

    July 30, 2014 1 Photo

  • Huston.jpg Greg Huston: Readers (a few anyway) respond on Alvarez

    Last week I asked readers to share their thoughts on what the Pirates should do with the struggling Pedro Alvarez and we’ll get to that in a minute. For some background, Alvarez has two years left on his deal and makes a modest salary of 4.25 million this season (modest in terms of baseball salaries as paying me 4.25 million dollars for anything would be gladly accepted). His salary will likely increase the next two seasons through arbitration. 

    July 29, 2014 1 Photo

  • Church.jpg Gary Church: As you may have noticed, I'm not Lisa
    Surprise, surprise, surprise! The big cheese called me, and asked if I would mind if my blogs appeared on Monday, instead of on Tuesday. I had no problem with that.

    July 28, 2014 1 Photo

  • Drespling.jpg Josh Drespling: Time flies when you're growing up

    Where does the time go? Just a moment ago, it was Monday, and now here we sit at the opposite end of another week. Seems like a matter of seconds and this month has slipped off into oblivion. I swear I only blinked and spring had been stripped from our hands. I don't dare close my eyes for another moment’s rest or my whole life may disappear.

    July 26, 2014 1 Photo

  • Church.jpg Gary Church: Grab your sisters and your mothers, it's an ice cream 'convent'-ion
    To keep my nice figure, I like to go to Forbush's at least once a week. This is also my entertainment for the night.  We sit there for an hour or so, watching people. Last week, a group arrived that I had never seen before.

    July 25, 2014 2 Photos

  • johnnyswim.jpg Tim Kolodziej: What is your definition of The Dream?

    Johnnyswim. I know, I know. Me neither. I had no idea what that word meant until a couple of months ago, when a friend of mine on Twitter was absolutely gushing about a great concert he had just seen.

    July 24, 2014 2 Photos

  • Potato.jpg The Couch Potato: Does "House of Cards" crumble or stand?

    The old Couch Potato has been methodically working my way through the hit Netflix series, “House of Cards,” over the past few weeks and let me just say, it’s pretty good. 

    July 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • Church.jpg Gary Church: It was an uphill climb, but this driver was a real trooper

    It's always a tragedy when I have to cover a drowning for The News. I hope I never have to go to Kennedy Mills again for this purpose. It is located at the bottom of a twisty, turning hill on Frew Mill Road.

    July 22, 2014 1 Photo

House Ads

On Wednesday, the House of Representatives voted to authorize Speaker John Boehner to sue President Obama for allegedly overstepping his legal authority with the way he's handled Obamacare. Good call?

Yes. Obama's been overstepping his authority since day one in office. It's time he pay the piper.
No. The allegations are ridiculous and the law suit is a waste of time and tax payer money.
I don't know. I'm not a huge fan of Obama, but the suit seems a little extreme.
     View Results