New Castle News

News Bloggers

January 6, 2014

Lisa Madras: We build prisons in our fear...but we can survive and grow stronger

NEW CASTLE — What personal prisons have you built out of fears?

I've been in many prisons of my own making during my lifetime.  I didn't really have a whole lot of self-esteem for most of my life, and that meant that I was scared of pretty much everything-- of being unloved, of not being good enough, of not saying or doing the right things.

It took losing darn near everything for me to realize that all of these things I was scared of meant... absolutely nothing.  I'd been unloved.  I'd been not good enough.  I hadn't said or done the right things.  

And I'd survived.

I still had my children, I told myself, and they were the only things I'd ever truly fear losing.  But I did build myself a nice big prison out of that fear, and every parent in the world lives in it with me, so I'm not really alone here.

There's a different part of this prison, though, the one I call solitary confinement, and it's the part that we single parents fear the most, which is dying and leaving our children without a mother or a father.  It's the flip-side of losing your children-- having your children lose you.

It's the ultimate cosmic kick in the pants that I have no real fear of dying itself, unlike many people.  I don't want it to be painful and drawn out, of course, but the whole ceasing to exist thing?  It just doesn't bother me.  It's the way things work.  But throw a couple of fatherless kids into the mix, and you've got a whole different can of wriggly little worms to worry about.

I pray every single day that I survive until my children are grown.  It's a selfish prayer, no doubt, but the only one that this mother's heart speaks when making requests of God.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
News Bloggers
House Ads
Poll

Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal signed “unprecedented” legislation yesterday to expand gun rights in his state. Good idea?

Yes. Expanding the scope of where people can carry guns can help halt violent crimes and make those places safer.
No. Carrying guns into bars and schools is NEVER a good idea. I think it will lead to more violence.
Not sure, but I don’t plan to visit Georgia any time soon.
     View Results