New Castle News

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June 27, 2013

Tim Kolodziej: What if we fought dependency with ... dependency?

NEW CASTLE — Had a deep, deep thought this morning.

Here it is:

We are all dependent.

Every one of us.

Every day.

In pretty much every way.

We can’t help it.

It's how we’re wired.

Forced to skip your coffee this morning?

Now you’ve got a headache.

Now you're snapping at your co-workers.

Now you're just trying to make it to lunch.

Now you’re ... battling to overcome your dependency.

Yes, you’re dependent, whether you admit or not.

So am I.

It's how we’re wired.



It’s how a lot of us get through life.

We look forward to the weekend.

We look forward to the adrenaline rush of the club, the wedding reception or the big party.

We can’t wait to dive into the pool, hit the bike trail or compete in the tournament.

Daydreaming about Saturday during Tuesday afternoon’s meeting helps us push through.

Yes, you’re dependent, whether you admit or not.

So am I.

It’s how we're wired.

What's your fix?


Drinking, drugs and partying.




I’m struggling to be a part of ...

We’re wanting to be more like ...

You’re fighting to get away from ...

From ...

From ...

From what?


We can’t. We never will.

It’s how we’re wired.


And there’s always a but.

What if, just for today, we changed our dependency mindset?

What if, just for today, instead of thinking, “Why me?” we replaced it with “Why not?”

Here are a few examples:

•Teach a class? Why me?

•Lead a project at work? Why me?

•Coach a youth sports team? Why me?

•Mentor a young lady who just lost her mom? Why me?

•Write a note of encouragement to a co-worker who just lost his job? Why me?

Well, why not?

Really, why not?

If not you, then who?

You know what you’re missing when you choose not to? A transfer of dependency.

The bad kind to the good. From you to someone else.

As you might have guessed, each of those pursuits I just mentioned focuses on others. Our dependence, therefore, will no longer point to changing our circumstances, but changing the circumstances of those around us.

Instead of constantly looking inward, we look to the interests of others.

Instead of looking for approval, we look for ways to help.

Instead of chasing happiness — which always seems to run just a step beyond our grasp — we experience fulfillment.

And in the true pursuit of helping others, your life changes for the better. It’s a weird concept to understand, but it really does.


That depends, but you’ll just have to trust me on this one.

It’s how we’re wired.

(Tim Kolodziej is executive editor at The News. To follow him on Twitter, CLICK HERE.)


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