New Castle News

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June 3, 2014

Gary Church: Getting high at breakfast? I’ll milk that for all it’s worth

NEW CASTLE — I’ve never been drunk or high.

The closest I've ever come to being high is when I'm drinking my cereal milk in the morning.

This is my blissful moment of the day.

I request that there is complete silence at the table while I'm drinking it.

It is a pet peeve of mine to be downing a glass of milk and then someone asks me a question.

No matter how many times I say, "Don't talk to me when I'm drinking," my family still does it.

It's hard for me to watch people add more cereal to their milk, until cereal and milk are gone at the same time.

I noticed my brother Paul does that.

Each spoonful of my cereal is carefully drained of all milk before it enters my mouth.

When each flake of floating cereal is gone, that's when my ecstasy begins.

My wife, on the other hand, barely puts enough milk on her cereal to cover it.

My bowl is filled to the top. Hers is about a half-inch full.

I'm not quite sure why I enjoy that part of breakfast so much.

It is no problem to drink the whole bowl of cereal milk without stopping.

The one that does bother me most during my special moment is my dog.

Sometimes he will ask for a treat, right in the middle of my high time.

When I'm done, I yell at him, "Don't bark at me when I'm drinking!"

Happiness to me is a bowl of buttered popcorn and a half gallon of milk.

Just don't talk to me until the milk is gone.

That's my high time.

Who needs that other stuff?

 

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