NEW CASTLE —
What has life taught you recently?
It seems at times that life is a never-ending learning experience. For me, it's been the school of hard knocks for quite some time now. I struggled to get through the things I had to get through, while trying desperately to glean some sort of lesson from each right hook.
Mainly, it was a coping mechanism, but I knew in my heart that it was also the right thing to do to at least try. That's why I'm here writing this blog every week.
I've found that there are just some things that happen for no reason, no lesson to be learned, no small nugget of wisdom or consolation that can be taken away at the end. Those were the easier things to deal with. Bad stuff happens, and that's the end. Deal with it and move on.
The unresolved conflicts, though, those are the toughies, the ones that feed the evil hissing of the monkeys and make you feel as if you'd trade your very soul for just one soothing moment of peace. Those are the ones that keep you awake long after your body and your spirit have worn out, and still manage to manifest themselves into monsters in your precious few moments of sleep.
For three years, I had no one. The people that I had loved and lost came only to me under the cover of darkness, appearing almost nightly in the nightmares that would yank me cruelly back to wakefulness. I wanted sleep more than anything, but even there I had no rest.
I hated the people in those dreams. They were all the ones that I had loved and trusted, and I needed that hatred to numb the hurt.
My family was gone. The love of my life was gone. But they were still THERE, reminding me every day and night that I didn't deserve their love and their presence in my life.
Except, in reality, it wasn't them. It was me. My own mind was the monster tormenting me. And I had no idea how to go about destroying something that was a part of my very being.
As chance would have it (as chance sometimes does!), I accidentally (long story) reconnected with my mother and brother, and shortly thereafter, my ex-boyfriend, who had also been my best friend. The paths we're taking to try a set aside our differences are by no means easy, and there's a lot to overcome. But the truly amazing thing is that those obstacles are a heck of a lot less tormenting than the anger and grief I was holding onto to try to protect myself.
I feel whole again, and even though it's a fragile and still somewhat uncertain wholeness, it's a wholeness nonetheless. It's peace, and it turns out that it was completely in my power to slay those monsters all along ... if only I'd taken the initiative.
I'm not going to spend another three years regretting the time lost with my loved ones. That's time that had to pass to bring us all to a place where we could peacefully co-exist anyhow. But I have learned that hatred and hurt are not good bed-mates, and if it is within your power to fix things, do so. Life is way, way too short to keep company with monsters.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, I'm sleeping like a baby now.
NEW CASTLE —
What has life taught you recently?
- News Bloggers
The Couch Potato: "The Bachelorette" semi-live blog
Here we go folks: “The Bachelorette” finale is under way and of course we’re being inundated with sweeping helicopter shots of beaches and exotic locations while Chris Harrison is telling us how dramatic this upcoming episode will be. Classic opening for “The Bachelorette,” as always.
Greg Huston: Readers (a few anyway) respond on Alvarez
Last week I asked readers to share their thoughts on what the Pirates should do with the struggling Pedro Alvarez and we’ll get to that in a minute. For some background, Alvarez has two years left on his deal and makes a modest salary of 4.25 million this season (modest in terms of baseball salaries as paying me 4.25 million dollars for anything would be gladly accepted). His salary will likely increase the next two seasons through arbitration.
Gary Church: As you may have noticed, I'm not Lisa
Surprise, surprise, surprise! The big cheese called me, and asked if I would mind if my blogs appeared on Monday, instead of on Tuesday. I had no problem with that.
Josh Drespling: Time flies when you're growing up
Where does the time go? Just a moment ago, it was Monday, and now here we sit at the opposite end of another week. Seems like a matter of seconds and this month has slipped off into oblivion. I swear I only blinked and spring had been stripped from our hands. I don't dare close my eyes for another moment’s rest or my whole life may disappear.
Gary Church: Grab your sisters and your mothers, it's an ice cream 'convent'-ion
To keep my nice figure, I like to go to Forbush's at least once a week. This is also my entertainment for the night. We sit there for an hour or so, watching people. Last week, a group arrived that I had never seen before.
Tim Kolodziej: What is your definition of The Dream?
Johnnyswim. I know, I know. Me neither. I had no idea what that word meant until a couple of months ago, when a friend of mine on Twitter was absolutely gushing about a great concert he had just seen.
The Couch Potato: Does "House of Cards" crumble or stand?
The old Couch Potato has been methodically working my way through the hit Netflix series, “House of Cards,” over the past few weeks and let me just say, it’s pretty good.
Gary Church: It was an uphill climb, but this driver was a real trooper
It's always a tragedy when I have to cover a drowning for The News. I hope I never have to go to Kennedy Mills again for this purpose. It is located at the bottom of a twisty, turning hill on Frew Mill Road.
Lisa Madras: I struggle with goodbyes, so I’ll just say ‘thank you’
After 12 amazing years at the New Castle News, it is finally time for me to say goodbye. I walked through the doors of this building believing that I had found the place I would live out the rest of my days, content in the chaos of deadlines and bylines, inky fingers and editorials.
Josh Drespling: When the family’s away, this bachelor will ... work?
It was inevitable. I knew it was coming and the situation was unavoidable. Over the course of the last few weeks I have been preparing myself for this moment and it has finally come.
- More News Bloggers Headlines
- The Couch Potato: "The Bachelorette" semi-live blog