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January 8, 2013

Gary Church: One last look at my incredible year that was

NEW CASTLE — The usual thing to do this time of year is to reflect on the big stories of 2012.

I don't want to be left out, so I am making a list of my top 5 events of last year.

As you will see, I had quite an exciting year.

Number 5: I got my first mammogram. Now when the ladies start chatting about theirs, I can join in the conversation with my experience. I'm sure they will be impressed. If I were single, I bet this would be a good way to pick up chicks.

Number 4: My 50th class reunion. I finally got to hug all of those girls I wanted to hug back in school, but they all thought I had cooties. I also got the prestigious honor to introduce the buffet. I've come a long way in 50 years.

Number 3: Instead of putting two batteries in my police scanner every week, I thought I would try the rechargeable ones. I am still using the same two batteries that I put in back in February. This has saved me enough money to buy a new toothbrush holder and a pack of gum. Life is good!

Number 2: We got our bathroom remodeled. Our old bathroom was a relaxing blue, but the new one is bright peach. It is so bright, that we are thinking about holding a few Broadway shows in it. The size of the new toilet is very impressive. Out went Little John and in came Big John. A  comparison would be like using Frasier's Pond to using Lake Superior. It's a can't-miss!

Number 1: The number one story of 2012 was my neighbor Mike moving away. There went all my stories for my gardening articles. How I remember back before I bought my snowblower. I checked very closely to make sure it was better than Mike’s. When I got my riding mower, it had to be bigger than Mike’s.

Now a new Mike has moved in, and has a lawn-care business and a snow blade on the front of his truck. If the old Mike would have warned me that he was skipping town and a new guy was moving in with a lawn-care business and a snow plow, I wouldn't have bought either. Mike was home a few weeks ago and showed me photos of his in-ground pool being put in. It was nice, but I was really waiting for him to reimburse me for the snowblower and mower that I no longer need. That never happened.

I hope 2013 will be a little calmer for me. I'm older now and can't take all the excitement anymore, although I am do have some thoughts about getting a new razor.

So, 2013, here I come!


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