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July 9, 2013

Gary Church: Technically, I didn’t fall — but I couldn’t get up, either

NEW CASTLE — My wife and I had a wonderful night out last week.

She went to see the fireworks at the Canfield Fairgrounds, and I went to the Back to the 50’s celebration at Cascade Park.

Her evening went pretty smoothly, but mine had some minor complications.

I took my trusty lawn chair to the park, and enjoyed the Jaggerz concert very much.

At the break between the Jaggerz and Elvis, I thought I might get a bite to eat.

There was a concession stand selling cavatelli and meatballs that looked pretty good, so I got in line.

When I got to the window, the guy said, "We're out of cavatelli."

That's just my luck.

This left me starving to death.

I decided I would just relax for a while, and wait to hear Elvis.

When I sat back down, my lawn chair — the one my wife said has lasted a really long time — broke.

The rivet that connected the arm to the back of the chair broke in half.

I realized that if I sat very still, I could still sit and enjoy the Elvis concert.

Leroy Polding's wife, Judy, just happened to pass by and asked me if I wanted a piece of cake.

She had no idea that I was on the verge of starvation.

The cake was fantastic and kept me alive a little longer.

During the Elvis concert, I decided to get up.

Since my knees aren't the best, I have to use the arms of chairs to aid in my standing up.

When I tried this, the chair started to collapse.

I froze.

For 20 minutes I sat there hoping someone I knew would come my way and pull me up.

I looked around the audience and spotted fellow graduate Chuck Sizer sitting a few rows in front of me.

Since he has new knees, I knew he would have some sympathy on me and pull me up.

He never looked my way.

John and Barb Clingensmith were right in front of me, but their eyes were glued on Elvis.

All I could think of was, everyone would go home, and I would be left sitting in the park, all alone.

I would probably starve to death during the night, and the parks and recreation people would find me sitting there in the morning, deceased.

Finally, another Sioux of 62 graduate John McCormick, looked my way.

I motioned for him to come over.

My first question was, "Are you in good shape?"

I didn't want us both lying on the ground. People might talk.

He was able to pull me out of my chair, although he seemed to get quite amused while doing it.

I asked him not to tell anyone of my embarrassing predicament.

He didn't, for about two minutes.

I guess I'm at the age where I just can't be let out alone.

Do they still make those, "I've fallen and can't get up," gizmos.

I may need to purchase a case or two.


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