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September 23, 2013

Lisa Madras: Yep, you’re gonna miss me ‘When I’m Gone’ — at least I hope so



"When I'm gone, when I'm gone

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

You're gonna miss me by my hair

You're gonna miss me everywhere.

Oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone."

And there it is. The one thing I want others to remember about me at the end of my life. Except it isn't really a "thing" per se.

Was she kind? Was she funny? Was she generous? All great "things," for sure. And things that I do hope people remember about me.

But mostly, I just want to be missed. Not because I want anyone to feel bad. That's definitely not the point.

I want to be missed because it would mean that I brought something worth missing into the lives of other people. It would mean that something was there that people enjoyed or valued that I brought just by being there. It would mean that I meant something.

The days that I regret the most are the ones in which I was so wrapped up in some sort of ridiculous drama or busyness that I just wasn't present with the people who were in the same room with me, especially my kids. Looking back, I realized that they must have missed me then, with me right there in the very same room with them, the way I realized each night that I missed them because I hadn't really been with them at all.

That's not the way you want people to miss you. Not at all. Because the paradox is, if people miss you now, while you're still here — they just won't miss you when you're gone.



Anna Kendrick sings ‘When I’m Gone’ from the film ‘Pitch Perfect.’

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