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September 6, 2013

Gary Church: There’s a hole in my donut — and in my underwear

NEW CASTLE — Things aren't always peachy keen around the Church household.

The main problem: my wife is a female and I'm not.

As we were relaxing on the back patio Labor Day weekend, my wife asked if I had any plans.

I said that I did, and I didn't want to hear any critical remarks about them.

She said she wouldn't.

I said, "I'm going to the Outlets and purchase some underwear."

She lied.

She started yelling, "You have two packages that have been in your underwear drawer for over a year that you haven't opened!"

This is where we are different. I have long-range plans and she doesn't.

I've been saving them so I can replace all my briefs at the same time.

Due to some wear and tear on my current supply, that time has come.

I just needed a few more, so I can have a full week’s supply, and all with the same birthday.

That makes sense to me.

After her calming down, we went to the Outlets, and I made my purchase.

Not to upset her more, I used my very own money.

Choosing the right size and color, plus checking out, took me about four minutes..

Naturally, she had to look for some of her own unmentionables, which took her about a half hour.

It's nice that there is a bench beside the Jockey Store, where I could wait for old pokey.

While there, I happened to look up, and right in front of my very own eyes was the brand new Peace, Love, and Little Donuts shop.

Did you ever sit and stare at a donut shop for a half an hour?

There is no way you can get past it without stopping in.

The gourmet donuts had a large variety of toppings.

The Oreo and Cream ones looked especially good to me, so I ordered one.

The girl behind the counter said, "The maple/bacon ones are better."

When you have high cholesterol, the very last thing you need is a donut with bacon on it.

I ordered one.

I would suggest when you are at the Outlets purchasing new underwear, you stop in and try a donut.

And while you are in the Jockey Store, ask a clerk to explain why a pitcher of water is sitting beside the bra displays.

Then email me and tell me the answer.

I was too embarrassed to ask.

 

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