New Castle News

November 6, 2012

Gary Church: Don’t blame me for carrying a few extra pounds — it’s not my fault

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — We have been hearing a lot lately about childhood obesity. They are blaming it on fast foods, soft drinks, and anything else that tastes good.

I feel the real problem started with one big event — the invention of the clothes dryer.

In my childhood days on Bluff Street, we did not have a dryer.

Mom hung the clothes on the line in the back yard.

We had two clothes poles that supported the line. When not is use, these poles made perfect bases for playing ball in the back yard.

One pole was first base, the other was second. A brick walkway was third, and the bare spot in the Marshalls’ lawn was home plate.

Also when Mom left the clothes line up, it doubled as a volleyball net.

Now with the invention of clothes dryers, there is no need for the poles.

Without poles, you have no bases. Without bases, you can't play ball.

If you can't play ball, you sit in the house and play video games and get fat.

There were no obese children on Bluff Street. Yes, including me.

It's when I moved to Neshannock, where we had a dryer but no clothes posts, that I might have put on a few pounds.

Unfortunately, my wife is not in favor of getting rid of the dryer to help with my weight-loss program.

And then there's the dance thing.

As a child, I was not aware of what a pole dancer was.

Now I'll never have the chance to become one, because I don't have a pole.

You can see now that there is no good reason to put the blame on me for being a little overweight.

It's the dryer’s fault.