New Castle News
The football quintuple-hopped idyllically downfield, a picturesque boot executed just as Shaun Suisham had dreamed of all off-season.
The bounding knuckler by the hamstrung kicker clearly confused Titans return man Darius Reynaud, who seemed to be hypnotized by the amateurish looking kick.
Dazed and confused, Reynaud grabbed the squibber on the goal line and promptly, of course, stepped back into the end zone. And knelt down. Just as they teach it in junior high.
Pittsburgh 2, Tennessee 0.
There it was, three seconds into the new campaign, and you had your highlight of the season.
What a highlight it was. I mean, do you know how often a team’s season starts out with a safety? Well, sure it happened in three games yesterday around the NFL, but still, it’s rare, trust me.
And for the Steelers, that moment also was their peak. Their pinnacle. Their apex. Of the season.
Gotta call it something, how about The Immaculate Kneeception? Hey, bad plays in bad games during bad seasons need bad nicknames.
That safety could turn out to be the Steelers’ only lead of the year, too.
It should be all downhill from here, folks.
What other perspective could anyone possibly have after yesterday’s 16-9 debaculous loss to the Titans at Heinz Field?
(Yes, that’s a word. I googled it and got 3,670 hits, so it must be a word.)
Even the most optimistic of fans have to agree that the season already appears to be doomed, what with the pathetic nature of this defeat combined with the stomach-punch injury to Maurkice Pouncey, arguably the Steelers’ second-most indispensable player.
At least Pouncey’s knee injury came on a hard-nosed football play by Titans defensive tackle David DeCastro, who was merely trying to free up his nose tackle by going low on the All-Pro center.
Wait a minute.
What’s that you say? DeCastro is a Steeler?
Talk about friendly fire.
Obviously deflated from the loss of their big man up front, the Steelers’ offense quickly sank to depths lower than the class of Miley Cyrus at the VMAs.
Two plays after the injury, Isaac Redman fumbled away Pittsburgh’s chance to take a 9-0 lead along with coughing up the team’s chance to demonstrate that it would rally around their fallen teammate.
From that point on, the Steelers’ run game was stuck in one place and very shaky, sorta like twerking. They managed a meager 32 rushing yards on 15 carries as Tennessee kicked their bootys the rest of the way.
The passing attack wasn’t much better (191 yards), the defense forced no turnovers and the Steelers didn’t actually get themselves on the board until there were less than two minutes remaining.
But really, why review the gory details of this one? Do you want to think about it much longer? Who would watch Miley’s NSFW dance on YouTube over and over and over again? I sure didn’t.
No blurred lines here, this was not going to be a good team with Pouncey and it will be even less so without him.
I know, you come here for silver linings, not for a eulogy. Any rose petals in this pile of thorns?
Here’s one: The Steelers are tied for first place today.
Ride that one for a while.
In retrospect, maybe Reynaud knew precisely what he was doing on that opening kickoff.
Perhaps he foresaw the train wreck that is the Steelers’ upcoming season and he was merely being respectful, but most likely he was assuming the victory formation for his team as soon as he got a chance.
Better get used to seeing that.
(Steve Treu covers the Steelers for The News.)