New Castle News

May 21, 2014

The Couch Potato: Zach sits in for our hero and goes off on Hollywood

The Couch Potato
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — Readers of the New Castle News, we are a mere two weeks away from the one-year anniversary of the first Couch Potato blog.

Over that time, I hope this has become a place you could visit for a laugh or some genuine movie and television insight.

In that vain, I present a special guest appearance from my buddy Zach, who is the biggest movie lover I have ever met. One example to prove my point is his not one, but two, framed collections of movie ticket stubs he has hanging on his wall at his house. A decoration I'm sure his wife just loves.

Enjoy his take on some problems with Hollywood:

I love movies. I actually still rent movies from a video store and I have watched more movies recently than I ever have before. While going into the movie rental store (Family Video), I realized how many movies I have never seen.

I can’t keep up! There are just so many on the “newly released” wall that I can’t focus.

I also check into the “nearly new” aisle to see what I have missed from the last couple of years. I always wonder how this particular store that just recently rented out one-fourth of its building to a pizza shop has space for every movie being produced day in, day out?

They clearly can’t; that would be insane. I’d love to see the storage room full of movies that are not currently on the shelves.

They still have classics though, like "Mrs. Doubtfire." I have recently heard they are going to make a sequel to the Robin Williams early ’90s hit. That is not a typo folks — “Mrs. Doubtfire” is going to have a sequel.

I can just see that conversation now. Writers sit down and say, “Robin Williams’ show just got canceled, he’s most likely free, how about we make a sequel to ‘Mrs. Doubtfire?’ We could have him try to fool his grandkids because he is not allowed to see them for some weak plot point. It’ll be an instant hit!”

My explanation/plot would be: because their parents (his kids) realized how insane their dad was for dressing up like a 60-year-old British woman for months just to see them, now he isn’t allowed to see his grandkids — enter Mrs. Doubtfire.

I’m not trying to be smug, I still love that movie. It is a classic and nothing to be messed with. I’m just really curious to see how they are going to make this sequel stand out.

Another thing that has been on the rise are “remakes" and "reboots.” I’m sure you have all seen one.

I’ll give you a couple to refresh your memory: "Planet of the Apes," "The Fog," "The Stepford Wives," "Fame," "Poseidon," "Death at a Funeral" and "Arthur."

I get so upset that people are paying money to see something that was already made. That?’s why we go to movies isn’t it? To sit back and see something new?

Imagine, people sat in a crowded movie theater in 1984 and saw the blockbuster hit "The Terminator" for the first time. Step into the future to next year ("Terminator" fans will appreciate that time joke) because they are revamping that story.

All new actors. Well, almost new. Yes, the former California governor promised us he’d be back.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to reprise his role as the complicated mix of protagonist and antagonist. Only time will tell if it will be as big as it was 30 years ago.

This week they are releasing a made over story from the popular Japanese fan favorite "Godzilla." Brian Cranston is an incredible actor, and it is making money, but again I ask, what writers sat down and said, “You know what guys? There hasn’t been a Godzilla story for 16 years, are you guys up for a new one?”

Where do these ideas come from!? Oh, wait, they are from past writers. I may run from the theaters pointing and screaming, “Another Godzilla Movie!”

I have a reason for all this movie talk and it is just a little message to Hollywood: Take one full year off from releasing a movie!

Sit down. I want you to really come up with new, original stories. Quit remaking movies. Blow our minds away.

This will then allow people to catch up with movies by using movie rental stores, Netflix, Red Box and OnDemand.

I guarantee, the day you release the first movie the following year, movie theaters will be booming. They won’t have enough Sour Patch Kids to sell! It will be a much anticipated entertainment source that will be the “reel” deal.

If I’m wrong, “Frankly Scarlet, I don’t give a damn!"

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