About Gary Church ...

Gary Church is a contributing writer and columnist at The News. His blog appears on our website each Friday.

Now I've done it, I've joined the YMCA.

Not only that, when my wife saw Eddie Pagley walking down the steps in his gym trunks, she joined too. She's always been a fan of Eddie's legs.

Before my physical therapy, I've never been on an exercise bike in my life. Now that I'm in tip top shape, I thought I'd try to continue my knee therapy at the Y.

The one problem both my wife and I have is, we have no idea how the machines work. She would probably push the wrong button and end up getting thrown off the machine, backwards.

We were told on certain days, there will be a gentleman there that will teach us how to use the machines. We're very slow learners, so that may take a while. I'm only planning on using one or two of them because I don't want to get in too good of shape.

I don't know how my wife is going to handle all of this. Getting up the stairs to the exercise room is hard enough for her. By the time she gets up the steps, she's pooped.

This also means I'm going to have to get a whole new wardrobe. I don't have one sporty looking T-shirt, nor do I feel my Gold Toe, over-the-calf black socks are going to look good with my gym shorts and tennis shoes.

I'd like to find out when there are no patrons in the workout area. I don't want anyone to laugh themselves to death from watching us.

As far as my wife goes, if she is on any machine more than 30 seconds, I'd be shocked. If she does get on a machine, it will probably be the one next to Eddie Pagley, no matter if it's barbells or weights.

Poor Eddie. He'll turn in his membership for sure.

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