NEW CASTLE —
What is the most defining moment of your life thus far?
I know it might sound trite, but for me that moment was definitely the day I became a mom for the first time. I often tell people that I was born the day my son was born.
Growing up, I knew that I wanted to be certain things: rich, powerful, influential, and admired by the masses. I wasn't certain that I wanted kids.
Somewhere around the age of 26, though, I wanted to be mom. I never did become rich, powerful, influential, or admired by the masses. But I did become the me that I'm certain I was destined to be all along: Mom.
I'm writing about this today because I had another row with my son last night that's become the norm, rather than the exception, since he plunged headlong into the chaotic and insanity-riddled state they call puberty. I was correcting his sister, he butted in, and I flipped out because I felt my authority had been undermined. He, in turn, blew a gasket and the evening ended with tears, tantrums, and hurt feelings.
My son didn't take it well, either.
The common theme of these fights is always my son telling me that he doesn't believe I love him. My rational side tells me that I'm being emotionally manipulated, but the part of me that remembers all too well my own teenage years reminds me that he's telling the truth. He genuinely feels that way. If your own child has ever said this to you, you most certainly know what it feels like to have your heart break.
I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong that my child feels this way, or it's just a genetic feature, or if every teenager feels unloved at times. But when I hear those words come from the mouth of the very person I base my reason for existence on, I can't help but feel like a failure in every sense of the word.
The thing about being a mom is that every day has to be a defining moment. You can't take a break from it, and everything you do counts. Maybe I do have days where I don't show enough love to my kids, or to anyone else around me for that matter. Maybe I do slip up and yell when I should talk calmly, or not pay enough attention, or simply say or do the wrong thing.
But being a mom does not imply perfection. My son will have to learn this someday, and he will have to learn that even the purest and most powerful love has occasional deficiencies. It's not my job to raise my children in a perfect world. It's my job to teach them how to survive in an imperfect one.
Should he question love? Of course, he should. Nothing in this life is guaranteed, and this skill will someday help him weed out the people who don't love him.
Should he question MY love? I wish with all of my heart that he wouldn't, but I know that someday he'll leave all of that doubt behind. I suspect it will be the day his own child is born, and he, like me, will be born then, too.
Perhaps that will be HIS defining moment.
Lisa Madras
Related Photos
-
-
About Lisa Madras: Lisa is the advertising dispatch at The News. She has agreed to blog about her personal pain in an effort to inspire others going through similar circumstances. She’ll share her thoughts each Monday.
Discussion
Lisa Madras: My love isn’t perfect, son, but it is pure
- Lisa Madras
-
-
Lisa Madras: I’ve still got plenty of questions, but now I have family to help answer them
What’s something new you’ve recently learned about yourself? Oh, happy day. I've been waiting my whole life to have a great answer to this question, and now that I finally do. I can hardly believe it myself.
-
Lisa Madras: I’m kickin’ it old school — and trying to get a leg up
What lessons did you NOT learn in the classroom? Several weeks ago, I found myself stumbling around outside of my comfort zone. I'd gone to a college campus to begin working on a new degree and new direction for my life. And boy did I feel like a square peg.
-
Lisa Madras: Don’t like me? Don’t need you around, either
What have you lost interest in recently? It seems as if I lose interest in more and more things as I get older. It might seem a frightening thought at first, but really, how many trivial pursuits do we cling to that we eventually just outgrow?
-
Lisa Madras: Don’t waste your life — it’s a precious gift that’s far too short
When did you first realize that life is short? I'm sure I don't need to remind you of last week's tragedy at the Boston Marathon. The images of that horrific event have taken their place in our souls right next to those of 9/11, the Sandy Hook shooting and every other devastating event in recent history.
-
Lisa Madras: Longing for a do-over? Like scissors, it’s in your hands
If you could do it all over again, would you change anything? My kids ask me all the time if I like being a grown-up. I tell them that it has its upsides and downsides, but always think to myself, "My gosh, what I wouldn't give to be a kid again and start all over."
-
Lisa Madras: Want a brighter future? Stop living in the past
If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be? I've hemmed and hawed over this question about a gazillion times, always pushing it to the bottom of my list because I could never settle on one definitive answer.
-
Lisa Madras: Forget the law, let’s break the entire system!
What makes you angry? Oh boy, is this a loaded question for me! Where do I start, and how long are you willing to read before you nod off from the sheer exhaustion of trying to finish my list?
-
Lisa Madras: What’s your special gift? Share it, don’t hide it!
What makes you so special? It cracks me up to hear this question, because when it's generally asked, there's more than a bit of snark involved.
-
Lisa Madras: You know what burns me up? A passion!
What gives your life meaning? On the surface, it's tempting to list all the obvious things: your family, your job, your volunteer work. These things all give our lives meaning, but deep down inside each of us there's a burning.
-
Lisa Madras: I made it to my year of catharsis, and you will, too
How would you describe the past year of your life in one sentence? "The past year of my life has been cathartic." That's my easy one-sentence summary. I've been waiting to say that for such a long time. And boy, does it feel good.
- More Lisa Madras Headlines
-
