New Castle News

Lisa Madras

April 16, 2012

Lisa Madras: Blake Shelton points me back to a greater Voice

(Continued)

NEW CASTLE — On my own I'm only

Half of what I could be

I can't do without you

We are stitched together

And what love has tethered

I pray we never undo

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

And for when I think I lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you, gave me you.

He gave me you.

I often find myself saying that if it weren’t for my children, I wouldn't have bothered to hang around this life. But I'm their mom, and even though my life is in ruins, perhaps my calling in this world is to raise them into something special. In fact, I was sure of it.

Until I heard this song.

And I had to think that maybe, just maybe, I'm still destined for something special. (Not to say that being a good mom to my kids isn't a noble enough calling, because it absolutely is.) But what if, by some crazy chance, God gave me these two incredible, amazing, awe-inspiring reasons as a way of keeping ME around long enough to find a higher purpose? What if I was given this sweetness and joy as a way of washing away the acrid taste of self-doubt and self-recrimination, not just as their mom helping them to their higher purpose, but as a catalyst to remind me to achieve my own?

If I had to stand before God at this very moment and justify my existence, I'm afraid I'd be sadly lacking an acceptable response. I'm sure I'd try to plead my case by recalling the obstacles that have blocked my path and the injustices that have tamped down my spirit and I'd look for impunity in light of this life strewn with bumps and barriers and booby-traps.

But if God were the type of being to roll his eyes (and I know he is!) he'd do just that, accompany it with a heavy sigh, and tell me quit screwing around and get back to work. I'm pretty sure he'd shake his head and mutter something like "Knucklehead" under his breath, too.

Because I AM a knucklehead of epic proportions. I've spent way too much of my short existence building walls around my ailments and grievances, self-soothing and licking my wounds, easing the path until I can climb onto the end-game trash heap and pretend that I made some sort of difference in this world just because I was strong enough to survive it.

I'll be darned. Looks like 20 questions was only the beginning.

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