NEW CASTLE —
This week's question has another set of brackets in it, again, so that you can substitute whatever "virtue squad" makes you feel bad about yourself.
Self-esteem has always been one of my biggest issues. For as long as I can remember, I've never felt good enough in virtually any category you can come up with. I'm not thin enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, not pretty enough. My attempts at dealing with these feelings of inadequacy have never been successful. As a child, I was shy and backward, not a great way to win friends and influence people.
As a young adult, I overcompensated by growing a hard exterior and feigning a confidence I never truly felt. This strategy gained me the moniker "Cast Iron (rhymes with witch)"... obviously another failure.
I'm actually not going to sit here and pretend that at the age of 39 I've finally gained the aplomb I've been bird-dogging my entire life. Building a healthy level of self-confidence is something I work at every single day. And the very foundation of that school of thinking is this: NOBODY is better than you. (And here's my favorite dirty little secret: Almost everyone feels the same way you do!)
So are vegans better people? I'm sure in some ways they are. So are breast-feeding mothers, super models, doctorate holders, and dads who never raise their voices. The main difference, though, is that these people know what their strengths are, and ride them like circus ponies.
If you really think about it, you probably can’t come up with a huge list of people who don’t have at least one redeeming quality, so why is it that we’re always so hard on ourselves?
Try this little exercise: Jot down a list of the qualities you love about some other people you know. When you’re done, check off the ones that also apply to you. I think you’ll soon find that the traits of your old college vegan roommate, and the mom in the next cubicle who balances it all without getting one perfect hair out of place, also sounds an awful lot like you.
When I made my own list, I came up with some a few good things like kind, generous, helpful, and empathetic. Funny thing is, if I could trade anyone of these for a thinner body, a better brain, more money, or beautiful face, I wouldn’t do it.
So stop judging yourself against others. Chances are there’s someone out there judging themselves against you, too.
For those of you who still need a little more help in the self-confidence arena, here’s a few tidbits I’ve gathered up.
- Dress Sharp: The clothes don’t really make the man, but they sure can affect how he feels about himself.
- Good Posture: If you walk around all hunched over, you look (and feel!) defeated. Straighten that spine and see how different you automatically feel.
- Make A Personal Commercial: Love this!!! Use that list you made earlier, grab a video camera, and make a commercial… selling yourself.
- Have Gratitude: Being grateful for what you already have primes you for accomplishing more.
- Compliment other people: Simple rules of karma, people. Negativity begets negativity. Turn it around.
- Speak up: Yes, there IS such a thing a stupid question. But chances are that what you have to say or ask is NOT. People are actually much more
- accepting than we imagine, and they’ll be grateful you said what they were afraid to.
- Work out: Strong body = confidence. ’Nuff said.
- Focus on contribution: If you’re busy giving, you have less time to dwell on your own perceived shortcomings, and the more you contribute, the more you’ll be rewarded.
