New Castle News
NEW CASTLE —
Editor, The News:
You know those movies where the “evil virus from space” attacks the unsuspecting sleepy town?
Normal people exhibiting weirdness and acting all zombie?
Well, look out New Castle and call the CDC. We’re being attacked.
What else could explain apparently normal people walking on the roadways? I’m not talking about suburban roads with no sidewalks. I’m talking busy city streets with sidewalks on both sides.
It has to be some alien brain-destroying disease. They walk three and four abreast with earbuds and cell phones.
Parked cars elicit no change. It’s four abreast around. Traffic density plays no part. These poor blighted people can be seen on Highland Avenue and Washington Street.
Some actually strap their babies and toddlers into strollers and force them to endure tons of metal and plastic rushing by inches away at hundreds of feet per second.
I’m certain this is a seasonal thing. Some hard-core infections can be seen wandering around winter roads, but warm weather triggers an epidemic. The evil microbe must hibernate on shrubs and trees only to blossom to full effect in sunshine. Or maybe they breed in cell phones.
I’ve noticed that dogs not only are immune, but they impart some immunity to their walkers. I even see dogs forcing their walkers use the sidewalks. Must be some kind of “seeing eye” thing.
I could be all wrong. Maybe these people just want to walk where it’s not only illegal, but insane. If that’s the case, then maybe permits could be issued for a nominal fee. The city could use the money.
Applicants could get one after they’ve gone to a trauma room to observe what a moving car or truck can do to a human body.
I’ve worked in trauma rooms. You won’t find me walking in the street.
J. Alex Melozzi