New Castle News

August 19, 2013

Advertising produces lots of dubious claims

By Staff
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — Editor, The News:

We are an advertising-driven society through newspapers, labels and the media.

For example, Charmin Ultra Strong toilet paper advertises it’s four times stronger and you can use up to four times less toilet paper. That indicates I start with zero and end the same way. Luckily mom always had a magazine nearby.

Swiffer advertises everything is gone in a second. I put some on my finger and I’m still here.

Febreze has a photo of a wonderful looking lady on the beach reading. So why does she smell?

Gillette advertises razors and cream with the statement, “Help him get serious about grooming.” That is a slam against men and maybe he likes his beard. Next they advertise deodorant and say, “Give him a lesson on freshness.” Whew, this fellow must need help.

Truck TV ads are testosterone driven in grey. They advertise strength, durability and pulling power. Many show a truck pulling a boat and I was nearly persuaded, but I don’t have a boat.

Another ad said “Trusted by teachers” and shows Puffs, Febreze and Bounty. No more apples, get her one of these.

One Vidal Sassoon ad says you can waterproof your color for up to 48 washes, so I am putting it on my car and buying the lower-cost car wash.

Secret states it has “clinical strength” underarm and said it “keeps the blue pinky sweat” away because “mean stinks.” How do they test this stuff anyway?

Lays states you can’t have just one a day, and I have gained five pounds.

Why is it that light beer draws females? I tried some and all I got was a bill.

Medicines advertise with healthy people but persons who take them may be dying and are never shown.

I am going back to beer.

Bruce Waldman

East Maitland Lane

New Castle