NEW CASTLE — For the first 25 years of my life I was the opposite of a planner. I was a procrastinator, flying by the seat of my adolescent skinny jeans, impulsive and often irrational. If I were going to go somewhere, I decided 20 minutes before. I decided to move to New York City in April of 2007 and moved in May of 2007. I have never been one to “sit on” ideas or thoughts for very long. Even my wedding, one of the most important days of my life, was planned in 6 weeks.
So, I am finding it increasingly more unusual that nowadays I cannot even go to Wal-Mart without planning it ahead of time. I suppose the addition of children to the equation is likely the main reason for this huge shift in my life, but my impulsive tendencies have been stifled in other ways as well.
Things that I would have given almost no thought to 10 years ago now seem to hassle my brain more than ever and seemingly insignificant occurrences cause me much duress.
Case in point: A haircut.
I always had my hair short, short hair and short nails. However, when I became pregnant with my first daughter I stopped biting my nails and started growing my hair. Anyone that has ever been pregnant knows that your hair grows about 7 feet per trimester during pregnancy, so by the time my due date rolled around I looked like a slightly stylish distant relative of Gomez Adams.
Fast forward one year. I went in for a trim and cut 26 inches off of my hair. After all, radical changes to my physical appearance were never a problem. I had a meltdown. As I watched my curly tresses it the floor of the salon I felt like crying. That was the moment I realized how much motherhood had changed me.