New Castle News

Kali-Davies Anderson

April 9, 2013

Kali Davies-Anderson: Believe it or not, my pregnacy shape is worthy of Bikini Bottom

NEW CASTLE — There are so many miracles associated with pregnancy.

Internal organs shift to accommodate the growing baby, bodily functions carry on as usual, despite what eventually becomes a 7 or 8 (or in my case 10 or 11) pound foreign object lodged within the abdominal cavity. Even bones shift in preparation for birth.

However, despite all of these miraculous occurrences, there is one miracle so profound that I believe it deserves special recognition. It is what I will affectionately deem the “Sponge Bob Square Pants effect.”  

Despite constant, unrelenting nausea that has lasted throughout this entire pregnancy, chasing after a 19-month-old and taking care of a four-story home, I have somehow managed to increase my Body Mass Index by roughly 50 percent.

I don’t know how it happens. I eat healthy, walk regularly and I am, in general, a very active person. Yet it seems as though the SECOND that I take that first positive pregnancy test, any semblance of hips, ankles or ribcage vanishes instantly. At first, it is a reassuring sign that the pregnancy is progressing in a healthy and normal way, but after several weeks and several pounds, one must wonder if it is pertinent to the health of the pregnancy for me to begin taking on the shape of the beloved children’s caricature, Sponge Bob Square Pants.

 When most people think of a pregnant woman’s figure, they envision a goddess-like stature, beautiful rounded belly, curvy and accented by long flowing hair and beautiful radiant skin. And this vision of a woman may indeed come to light at SOME point during the pregnancy, but for most of us, our first few months spent as human incubators are plagued by pimples, back flab, the loss of hips and the addition of midsection lard.

Not quite the image of a “goddess,” huh?

This stage is followed by what I will “affectionately” refer to as the “starting to appear pregnant, but still look like a chubby normal person” phase. This is the time when you see people that you know at the grocery store that you haven’t spoken to in a while, that think you look “different” but would not dare congratulate you on the upcoming addition to your family.

When I was pregnant with Violet, I once had someone that I knew well but had not seen in years follow me around the produce section of a grocery store, ducking behind towers of grapples and kiwi, clearly trying to decipher if I was indeed with child or had simply eaten too many hotdogs and hamburgers over the Fourth of July holiday weekend. I would like to think that they were the only person to do this, but I am sure they were not.

The last stage of the pregnancy transformation is the one most often associated with how a pregnant woman should look. Unfortunately for the pregnant woman, it is the stage during which we feel the most like something that needs to be butchered for its tender flanks, rather than a beautiful and angelic bearer of good news. And it seems as though no matter how active I try to be, the weight is piling on.

I have gotten so annoyed by my weekly weigh-ins that I have resorted to wearing unseasonably light clothing, slip-on shoes and minimal jewelry to hopefully lessen the blow of the climbing scale. At almost 39 weeks, however, I think it is safe to say that soon I will be back to at least a squarer, flatter, and hopefully smaller version of my current self, and right now that sounds about as good as it’s going to get.

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Kali-Davies Anderson
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