New Castle News
NEW CASTLE —
When I became pregnant with my first child, I imagined myself as a stay-at-home mom, playing with blocks and coloring with my daughter, cooking nice meals for our family and keeping a pristine house.
After actually giving birth to my daughter, reality set in. Yet, that was nothing compared to daily life with TWO children. NOW, I am lucky if I brush my own teeth and get a shower before 3 p.m., let alone clean the house or, God forbid, cook dinner.
A few weeks ago my husband ate two hotdogs on a slice of Wonder bread with ketchup for dinner. Yes, it’s THAT bad.
We have a family wedding to attend. The reception is not until 6 p.m., but there is no doubt in my mind that somehow at 5:55 p.m., both children will be naked, my husband will be unshowered and I will be running up and down the steps looking furiously for a shoe. The same goes for church on Sunday mornings. No matter how early I get up (4, 5, 6 a.m.) we cannot seem to get out of the house on time.
And forget holidays. I don’t even remember Christmas or Easter of this year — it is all a blur of hair bows, dress socks, ties, coats and toddler tears.
Sometimes when I get home from church after a rushed morning and barely making it out the door, I feel the need to check my house for stolen items, because of its ransacked appearance. I suppose it would be easier just to go everywhere alone and maybe that is what the smart people do. Who knows?
One thing I know for sure is that any sanity (and it probably was not much) that I started out with, flew as fast as it could out the window when I had kids. With that said, I can’t imagine my life without them.
When I think about my life before marriage and children I can’t even remember what filled my time. I did work full time and could shower when I wanted to and go out on the weekends, and I THINK I probably dressed better and spent money on myself more often, but other than that, I don’t think I was very fulfilled. I know that you are not supposed to look for things to make you a whole person, but I think it is OK to do so, if those things are receiving things (sucking the life out of you) from you as well.
This past week I became aware of some medical issues with my youngest daughter. Between doctor visits and nurses doing house calls and a short stay at the hospital, I am not sure if I ever even sat down for a meal. All of my attention was devoted to my daughter and finding out what was wrong with her. I did not think about the cat hair on my floors, the fact that I had no makeup on in public, or even the thought that my bed was possibly never made for an entire week and a half. My main focus was my daughter.
So, yes, I may have lost most of my sanity after having children and gained a whole lot of worry and responsibility, but at my core, since a very young age I have always and “only” wanted to be a mother. And I suppose that on the days that I am feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, tired and in general, ugly, I need to remind myself of my blessings, and that in a nutshell, I sure did get what I asked for!