- Gary Church
Gary Church: Safety first? C’mon baby light my fire!
I try not to ask for much on my birthday. All I wanted was a lighter that doesn't have any safety devices on it. Thankfully, my daughter found such a lighter. Pushing up on a switch while trying to pull the trigger is just too complicated for me.
Gary Church: Maybe I can’t outrun a tornado, but I can still make a splash
It has been said that patience is a virtue. I don't possess that virtue. This creates a small problem from time to time, because I am not married to Speedy Gonzalez.
Gary Church: Hi, ho ... wait, where's the hero I know?
I haven't been to a movie in more than 10 years. When I heard there was going to be a remake of “The Lone Ranger,” I knew I would go see it. The bad reviews didn't bother me. I was going no matter what.
Gary Church: Do I love New York? About as much as selling insurance
At age 22, I decided to quit playing in the dirt and make a big career change. That's when I became an insurance man for Metropolitan Life. I thought, "How hard can it be, driving around and collecting people's insurance premiums?"
Gary Church: Technically, I didn’t fall — but I couldn’t get up, either
My wife and I had a wonderful night out last week. She went to see the fireworks at the Canfield Fairgrounds, and I went to the Back to the 50’s celebration at Cascade Park.
Gary Church: Sorry, Charlie, a backyard funeral is coming soon
There was a time when we didn't have to worry about the chipmunk overpopulation in our neighborhood. Big Tom next door took care of them for us. Since Tom the Cat decided to move to the sunny shores of Texas, the chipmunks have made a big comeback.
Gary Church: There’s no sweet talk when it comes to sugar bowl saga
I noticed the other day that the sugar bowl needed a little cleansing. Although I volunteered to do it, my wife said she would take care of the problem. She doesn't like me doing anything in the kitchen.
Gary Church: I've got my press pass...still waiting on the super powers
I think I may have watched too much Saturday Morning TV as a young boy. I was a faithful Captain Midnight fan and even sent away for his secret decoder. You get the idea that when you get it, you have special powers. This feeling has carried over a little bit into my adult life.
Gary Church: A fungus among us keeps us on our toes
I have found Facebook to be a great source of information for health issues. After reading all the posts, I feel I should be entitled to some kind of doctorate degree. All one has to do is mention their ailment, and I'm right there with advice on the cure.
Gary Church: The naked truth? I wasn’t skinny-dipping, but ...
I can't say I'm the type of person who likes to go fishing. Sticking a hook in those ugly, squirmy worms is not one of the things I look forward to doing in my life. Besides, I'm not sure what I would do if I ever caught one.
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- Gary Church: Safety first? C’mon baby light my fire!