New Castle News

January 1, 2013

Gary Church: I don't know if I can carry all the stars in my crown, I have bad knees

Gary Church
New Castle News


My wife and I were invited to spend Christmas Eve in the home of our friends Bruce and Joan Aiken.
While sitting around and drinking about a 1/2 gallon of Joan's delicious egg nog, a few others in the room started expressing sympathy to my wife.
No one in our family had died or gotten sick, it was just sympathy for being married to me.
One told her there would be extra stars in her crown for her endurance.
In my defense, it's me who should get the extra stars.  I am a battered husband.
Just the other day, my grandson Austin came in the room and reported than my wife was calling me names.
You know we men have to stick together.
Being a little curious, I asked, "What did she call me?"
Austin said, "She said you were a doofus and goofball."
There you have it! Proof of what I have to put up with.
I mentioned this happening while at the Aikens.
Fellow New Castle News columnist Ralph Martone stated, "Those aren't names.  They actually appear on his drivers license, under description."
I checked my license, and that's not true.
I never call my wife anything but endearing names like, honey, sweetheart and maybe bonehead once in a while.
It's not only verbal abuse  that I suffer from.
The other day when it snowed real bad, she washed my jeans.  She gave me a pair of shorts to put on, for when I go out and walk the dog.
I nearly froze to death.
Now that you know the rest of the story, I'm sure everyone will start throwing their support my way.
I'm just not sure if I need any more stars in my crown.
I don't know how much each one weighs, and I have bad knees. 
Maybe some plastic stars would be okay.