New Castle News

November 20, 2012

Gary Church: Forget Charlie Sheen, nobody is ‘winning’ like me

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — I've notice when reading the obits, they always include what the person liked to do.

A lot of them say that the deceased enjoyed being with their family or working the crossword puzzle.

I've been trying to think what answer my wife should give, when the funeral director asks the big question, "What did Gary like to do?"

The correct answer is, I like to win.

If I'm playing a game, it's not for the fun of it. My goal is to totally annihilate you.

When you lose, I want to put my foot on your chest and raise my sword.

My victory dance puts some of the football players’ touchdown dances to shame.

Sometimes I like to add a little tune about how you stink and I don't at playing the game.

I don't believe in letting kids win either.

Lately, I've noticed that I'm starting to get a little soft on this.

It's happening during the sword fights with Austin, my 8-year-old grandson.

He goes out into the yard and picks up a couple of branches for the swords.

He keeps the large, strong branch, and usually gives me the puny little twig that will break after the first contact.

I've not won one sword fight.

Maybe if I got out of my Adirondack chair during the fight, I might do better.

But outside of that, I'm still enjoy a good win.

I'm just a little nervous what my wife will tell the undertaker, that she thinks I liked to do best.

I can hear her telling him now, "The thing he liked to do best was, complain."

But now you know the truth. It's winning.