NEW CASTLE —
After 38 years of marriage, my wife has given me an edict.
She told me that when the new bathroom is in, I have to spray my armpits in the hallway.
I guess, unbeknownst to me for all of these years, that my spray powder deodorant builds up on the bathroom floor.
Then she went on a rampage, stating that it’s all over the bathroom walls, and even on the bathroom scales.
I told her that I'll just quit using deodorant. I'm not going on a world tour just to spray the pits.
She says I'll lose all my friends.
I didn't know you could smell people on Facebook.
No actual proof has been submitted to me that shows there is any Right Guard buildup on the bathroom floor.
I looked diligently and didn't see it.
My suggestion that she stand at the bathroom door with a mop, ready to use as soon as I leave the bathroom, didn't go over very well.
You ladies are probably thinking, "Why don't you change to a roll-on?"
Although I am all man, I'm a little sensitive to change in that area, and it turns red.
This reminds me of an incident that happened to me when I was a little boy. Well, not real little.
Arthur Godfrey used to advertise Ban roll-on deodorant. My mother, who was an Arthur Godfrey fan, bought some.
One day she said to me, "Gary, the bottle of Ban seems to be going down quickly. Have you been using it?"
I confessed that I had.
Why she asked me the next question, I'll never know. She inquired, "Where do you put it?"
The only place I ever saw Arthur Godfrey roll the deodorant, was on his finger, which I did likewise.
All my childhood friends will tell you, my finger never had B.O.
Until this deodorant issue is straightened out, I wouldn't get real close to me.
I still say it's my daughter’s hair spray that she sees, but my wife informs me that she moved out 11 years ago.
Perhaps it's the Polident.
Gary Church
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About Gary Church: Gary is a columnist and contributing writer for The News. He’ll share his thoughts on this blog each Tuesday and Friday.
Discussion
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