New Castle News

Gary Church

November 13, 2012

Gary Church: My wife’s deodorant demand really stinks!

NEW CASTLE — After 38 years of marriage, my wife has given me an edict.

She told me that when the new bathroom is in, I have to spray my armpits in the hallway.

I guess, unbeknownst to me for all of these years, that my spray powder deodorant builds up on the bathroom floor.

Then she went on a rampage, stating that it’s all over the bathroom walls, and even on the bathroom scales.

I told her that I'll just quit using deodorant. I'm not going on a world tour just to spray the pits.

She says I'll lose all my friends.

I didn't know you could smell people on Facebook.

No actual proof has been submitted to me that shows there is any Right Guard buildup on the bathroom floor.

I looked diligently and didn't see it.

My suggestion that she stand at the bathroom door with a mop, ready to use as soon as I leave the bathroom, didn't go over very well.

You ladies are probably thinking, "Why don't you change to a roll-on?"

Although I am all man, I'm a little sensitive to change in that area, and it turns red.

This reminds me of an incident that happened to me when I was a little boy. Well, not real little.

Arthur Godfrey used to advertise Ban roll-on deodorant. My mother, who was an Arthur Godfrey fan, bought some.

One day she said to me, "Gary, the bottle of Ban seems to be going down quickly. Have you been using it?"

I confessed that I had.

Why she asked me the next question, I'll never know. She inquired, "Where do you put it?"

The only place I ever saw Arthur Godfrey roll the deodorant, was on his finger, which I did likewise.

All my childhood friends will tell you, my finger never had B.O.

Until this deodorant issue is straightened out, I wouldn't get real close to me.

I still say it's my daughter’s hair spray that she sees, but my wife informs me that she moved out 11 years ago.

Perhaps it's the Polident.


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Gary Church
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Penguins, in five games or fewer. Too much firepower for the Blue Jackets, especially if Evgeni Malkin is ready to go.
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Blue Jackets, in five games or fewer. Sergei Bobrovsky in goal for the Blue Jackets spells trouble for the Pens.
Blue Jackets, in six or seven games. Bobrovsky gives Columbus the edge, but it won’t be easy.
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