NEW CASTLE —
I can't win.
Last year when I went to Jen Fazzone McNally's Halloween party, I wore a mask.
No one else did.
This year, I thought I would get with it and just wear a costume.
I put on my soldier shirt, an original WWII hat, plus my beige Dockers, and went as a soldier.
When I walked in, I thought everyone would salute me.
You want to know why?
They all thought I was dressed as Boy Scout!
How could this happen?
I had private stripes on my sleeves, a marksmanship pin on the pocket, and the Army cap on my head.
What's worse, when the photo appeared on Facebook, my friends also thought I had dressed as a Boy Scout.
Judy McCormick thought I looked like I should be doing a good deed or something.
No one realized I was a soldier until I told them I was shipping out to Europe in the morning, and asked for a few kisses goodbye.
There were no goodbye kisses.
Later I was asked if I would like some pudding.
Pudding is one of my favorites. I was surprised that they had some at the party.
I don't know what kind of pudding it was, but there was a fake worm coming out of it.
I ate the worm.
The top of the pudding was some kind of crumbs, which I also ate.
Then I got to the pudding part of the dessert.
It didn't take me long to realize, this isn't the Jello Pudding my wife makes at home.
Whoever heard of spiked pudding?
I didn't finish it.
The most talked about costume at the party, was what Don Ross wore.
He came as an electric plug, and his wife as a wall socket.
He looked unusual when he sat down.
My wife came as herself.
She did wear some kind of headband with cats on the antennas.
I guessed who she was right away.
Jen and her friends came as The Spice Girls.
You're right. I had no idea who they were dressed as, and still didn't know after they told me.
Shirley Temple I would have recognized.
The Spice Girls, I didn't have a clue.
They were smart, though.
None of them fell for the “I'm shipping out in the morning” line.
Next year, I'm planning on going as a big, fat 300-pound blogger.
That way, no one will have to guess what I am.
NEW CASTLE —
I can't win.
- Gary Church
Gary Church: Oh, I’ve got call waiting, but it’s not what you think
As an old dude, I have tried with all my heart to keep up with all of the new technology. This venture will now be a thing of the past. I am finally giving up and taking my place with the people of the stone age.
Gary Church: Boy, I’d like to give my two cents to the lady in charge of the change tray
I'm cheap, but not real cheap. I was paying for something that came to $2.32. Sitting on the counter was one of those loose change trays, where you can drop some change in or take some out.
Gary Church: Hey, do they serve fries with that burrito?
I come from a long line of fussy eaters. My mother may have been the queen. When she made biscuits, she would spoon the center out, and eat only the outside of the biscuit.
Gary Church: Mexican food, amazing bass and a private chat with Jen — can it get any better?
Did you ever have one of those weekends that you hated to see end? It all started Friday, when after 10 years of driving the same old car, I got a new one. I got a RAV4.
Gary Church: I can’t roll with old certificate — but maybe I can still rock the mic
Did you ever have something in your closet, and you have no idea why? At the bottom of my casual shirt closet is a framed New Castle Service Star Legion Incorporation certificate.
Gary Church: I stuck my neck out to surprise my wife — but she didn’t get the whole scarf thing
There are no words to describe how much I hate to shop for my wife. When Valentine’s Day, our anniversary, her birthday, and Christmas come along, she enjoys getting nice prizes from yours truly.
Gary Church: Geez, I should get a reward just for FINDING my card!
As far as I can see, there is no end in sight. No, I'm not talking about the lousy weather. It's all those rewards cards I now have to carry in my wallet.
Gary Church: Dry ice, Ralph Kiner and ‘Popcorn Pete’
I've lost track of most of the kids I grew up with on the West Side. One of them was Pete Kearns. Pete lived on Boroline Street, right across the road from the ballfield we all played on.
Gary Church: Baby you can drive my car — but first I need to get one
I received the dreaded phone call that no one wants to get. Dean said, "There is nothing more we can do. Your car is not worth fixing." I lowered my head.
Gary Church: Here’s something for you to chew on — yes, I am an addict
There comes a time when an addict has to admit he has a problem and seek help. I have reached that stage of my life. There are several things to become addicted to. Mine is chewing on things.
- More Gary Church Headlines
- Gary Church: Oh, I’ve got call waiting, but it’s not what you think