New Castle News

Gary Church

September 27, 2013

Gary Church: For those who think I’m a crackpot, that’s a crock

NEW CASTLE — I recently ran into my old neighbor, Charlotte Marshall Marcucci, at Walmart.

It was my wife's birthday and I wanted to get her something exquisite.

Charlotte asked, "What are you getting your wife?"

I said, "A crockpot."

Being a woman, she asked, "Don't you ever get her something personal, that is just for her?"

This is just for her. I certainly will never use it.

Plus, that is what she asked for.

In addition to the crockpot present, I did take her to see Merle Haggard, and paid for dinner all by myself.

I like to remind everybody that the total value of her presents came to $160. And you guys think I'm cheap.

My wife was happy to get the crockpot.

There seems to be one problem with it that I didn't see coming.

You have to know what you are going to cook, at least six hours ahead of time.

My wife doesn't decide on what we are going to have for dinner until about 10 minutes before we eat.

I guess there has to be a learning process on how to use a crockpot.

On her first attempt, she tried cooking a sirloin tip roast.

It was one of those buy one, get one free deals.

Since she wasn't going to be home the next night, she said I could have the leftovers for tomorrow night’s meal.

The roast was terrible, and I could hardly eat it. It was very tough.

I tried to force a smile during the meal, but the roast was inedible.

A little later on in the evening, I snuck out for hot dogs, just to keep from starving to death.

I ate out the next night.

This week, I found a recipe on Facebook for roast, and she tried it.

From the preliminary sounds of her moaning after each bite, I figured we had ourselves a keeper.

I just think she was trying subliminal messages to sway my vote.

It tasted fine, but I'm a chuck roast kind of guy, and this was an English cut.

Since we are both getting along in years, I don't know how much time we have left to get this crockpot cooking right.

I'm still not sure why she isn't satisfied with cooking in the oven, like we have always done it.

Maybe she is going through "the change."


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Gary Church
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