New Castle News

May 7, 2013

Gary Church: A Facebook friend request and the new ‘normal’

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — I recently received a friend request on Facebook from a woman named Robin.

I wasn’t familiar with this person.

Being a little skeptical, I wrote back and wanted to know why she picked me, when she didn't know me.

A man with the cute dimples that I have must be careful of friend requests from strange women.

She wrote back that I seemed like a normal guy.

I had to thank her.

That was the first time I have ever heard the word “normal” used when describing me.

My wife would not agree with her assessment.

She often describes me as being nuts.

I do have a few quirks that might make one form this opinion of me.

For instance, there is a knot in the wood of our kitchen table.

If my wife wants me to pour her coffee, the handle of her cup must be lined up with the knot.

This position allows me to see how full her cup is while I'm pouring.

I feel that is a normal request, but she fails to see it.

She also thinks I'm weird because I eat the same cereal every day for breakfast.

My dad ate All Bran every morning until he died, and I'm going to eat Special K Protein Plus until the morning I take my last bite of cereal.

Mrs. Church makes constant remarks about me wearing the same shoes every day for the past seven years.

Just because they are worn out, and some eyelets are missing, they still fit well.

She complains I'm not a normal eater because I don't eat vegetables or casseroles. It embarrasses her when I ask for my meat to be extra burnt in restaurants.

I just have refined taste buds.

Then there are the songs I write.

She says they don't make sense.

I feel my latest hit, "Why Oh Why Do Tadpoles Cry," could make the top 10.

So yes, I accepted Robin as my Facebook friend because she sees the true me, a man of distinction.

Just in case, though, I'll let you know if she deletes me after she reads this.