New Castle News

November 8, 2013

Gary Church: No-shave November? I escaped by a whisker!

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — I don't think anyone realizes all the marital stress I have at home.

My current strife is being caused by my wife refusing to buy me razor blades.

She thinks the ones I use are too expensive.

That's what happens when the wife has control of the checkbook, the debit card, and does all the shopping.

The only money I have is the few bucks I make from selling pencils.

Unless I want to be mistaken for Abraham Lincoln, I'm going to have to buy my own blades.

There go all my pencil profits.

Why do women hate to buy their husbands toiletry products?

I never hear her complain about having to buy her own stuff to shave with.

I'm just saying, if I noticed hair growing on her where it wasn't real complimentary to her appearance, I'd buy her the stupid blades.

Maybe she prefers bearded men, I don't know.

Well, I finally gave up and spent $31.99 on eight razor blades, plus tax.

They will last me for eight months.

That comes to $4 a month for me to have a clean shave and look handsome.

She loses more than that each month in loose change, at the bottom of her purse.

I will have to sell 32 pencils for a buck apiece, just to break even.

I did get a little revenge, though.

While I was in line at the cash register, I was explaining to a lovely lady about my wife refusing to buy me razor blades.

She then gently caressed my face, and said, "Yes, you need them."

That, and telling my wife what happened, was well worth the $31.99 plus tax that I spent.

Who knows, I may go back tomorrow and buy some more blades.