New Castle News

Gary Church

October 16, 2012

Gary Church: I’m dangerously close to moving from the doghouse into ‘The Home’

NEW CASTLE — I feel I have the ability to forget stuff. Maybe a little more than most people.

For this reason, I like to put myself on a daily routine so I don't leave something very important out.

After a morning shave and shower, I have breakfast.

Then comes lunch at noon and dinner at five. You can see I especially don't like to forget meals.

Just before dinner at 5, I clean the dog dish, take it over to the counter, and fill it with a large handful of Beneful dry dog food, and a packet of Ol' Roy moist dog food.

The dog usually watches me do this, just in case I make a mistake.

At 9:30 p.m., during a TV commercial, I make the coffee for the following morning.

It only takes one teeny tiny thing to happen, which will completely throw me off. This happened the other night.

At 9:30 I went to the kitchen to make the coffee, and I noticed a piece of bacon in the dog dish.

I like bacon. There is never any leftover bacon. I yelled, "Who put a piece of bacon in the dog dish?"

This was a dumb question because there are only two people in the house, and I didn't do it.

My wife yelled back, "That's a leaf, stupid!"

I mellowed out and said, "Oh."

I cleaned the dog dish and went over to the counter to make the coffee.

As usual, I pulled out the tray that holds the coffee filter. This time, instead of putting the new filter in, I filled it with a large handful of Beneful dry dog food.

Of course, I noticed right away what I had done and moaned, "Oh no!"

Miss Neb Nose in the living room shouted right away, "What's wrong?"

I humbly showed her the filter tray full of dog food.

For some reason, this caused her to make a quick exit for the bathroom.

When she came back, I simply asked, "Do you think it's time to call 'The Home?’ "

That made her take another Olympic sprint to you know where.

In my defense, the coffee filters and the dog food are close to one another. This could have been a very easy mistake.

Just in case, if it ever happens again, we put The Home's phone number on speed dial.

I sure hope I have access to a computer there, so I can report on all the big happenings at bingo.


Text Only | Photo Reprints
Gary Church
House Ads

On Wednesday, the House of Representatives voted to authorize Speaker John Boehner to sue President Obama for allegedly overstepping his legal authority with the way he's handled Obamacare. Good call?

Yes. Obama's been overstepping his authority since day one in office. It's time he pay the piper.
No. The allegations are ridiculous and the law suit is a waste of time and tax payer money.
I don't know. I'm not a huge fan of Obama, but the suit seems a little extreme.
     View Results