New Castle News

October 9, 2012

Gary Church: Flush with excitement over bathroom remodeling

Gary Church
New Castle News

NEW CASTLE — My wife and I had a big decision to make. We either had to remodel the bathroom, or get a port-a-potty.

She campaigned vigorously for the remodeling, so she won.

We have just gone through phase one of the remodeling, and I can report there have been no serious casualties — so far.

It's not a big secret that my wife and I have nothing in common when it comes to decor.

Our bathroom has been the color blue ever since the day after Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address.

Blue is a relaxing color, but I am tired of relaxing.

I write most of my songs each morning while I'm in the shower.

None of them have become hits, because they are sad songs. 

I feel this is because the color blue is too melancholy, and my songs just aren't vibrant enough for the big time.

Just this morning I found myself singing a brand new song, "I lost my leg in the meat grinder — over you."

I feel, like the rest of my songs, this one is doomed for failure.

My new bathroom color of choice is orange.

When I walk into the bathroom, I want excitement to fill the air.

I want to dance, sing, and be merry.

Just picturing this, I changed my last song to "I lost my leg in the meat grinder over you polka."

Doesn't that sound more upbeat?

Then came the big question: "Should we go with a large oval toilet, or the smaller round one?"

While researching toilets, I found that older folks prefer the large oval toilet, although it doesn't say why.

For some reason, my wife was all for the "Big John."

Without her knowing, I chose the wooden seat instead of the flimsy plastic.

She'll just think it came with the commode.

We have several more phases to go, so I'll keep you well-informed of our progress.

Should you see one of our names in the obits in the near future, at least you will know why.