NEW CASTLE —
My wife and I had a big decision to make. We either had to remodel the bathroom, or get a port-a-potty.
She campaigned vigorously for the remodeling, so she won.
We have just gone through phase one of the remodeling, and I can report there have been no serious casualties — so far.
It's not a big secret that my wife and I have nothing in common when it comes to decor.
Our bathroom has been the color blue ever since the day after Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address.
Blue is a relaxing color, but I am tired of relaxing.
I write most of my songs each morning while I'm in the shower.
None of them have become hits, because they are sad songs.
I feel this is because the color blue is too melancholy, and my songs just aren't vibrant enough for the big time.
Just this morning I found myself singing a brand new song, "I lost my leg in the meat grinder — over you."
I feel, like the rest of my songs, this one is doomed for failure.
My new bathroom color of choice is orange.
When I walk into the bathroom, I want excitement to fill the air.
I want to dance, sing, and be merry.
Just picturing this, I changed my last song to "I lost my leg in the meat grinder over you polka."
Doesn't that sound more upbeat?
Then came the big question: "Should we go with a large oval toilet, or the smaller round one?"
While researching toilets, I found that older folks prefer the large oval toilet, although it doesn't say why.
For some reason, my wife was all for the "Big John."
Without her knowing, I chose the wooden seat instead of the flimsy plastic.
She'll just think it came with the commode.
We have several more phases to go, so I'll keep you well-informed of our progress.
Should you see one of our names in the obits in the near future, at least you will know why.
Gary Church
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About Gary Church: Gary is a columnist and contributing writer for The News. He’ll share his thoughts on this blog each Tuesday and Friday.
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Gary Church: Flush with excitement over bathroom remodeling
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